Tales From A Hungry Life

June 25, 2014

My Reverse Bucket List

by Maria Schulz

Here comes the bus!

Here comes the bus!

Recently, I read an article in The New York Times about a reverse bucket list of things people never wanted to do again in NYC before they die. The article was amusing, but the comments were absolutely hilarious. There are apparently a lot of things people never, EVER want to do in New York City, ever again.

For instance:

  • Subway ride on a hot summer day with stranger-to-stranger skin contact
  • Ride the Staten Island Ferry…any day
  • Spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square
  • Take a bus, and ask for a transfer
  • Know which way to lay on the tracks in order to avoid being run over by a train
  • Come off the subway and ask for directions anywhere
  • Swim in the East River like Kramer from Seinfeld
  • Share a cab with the Naked Cowboy
  • Get ejected from a stalled subway train, and have to walk the tracks
  • Go to Fairway the day before Thanksgiving
  • Learn that your neighborhood is the “up and coming” place for hipsters
  • Realize too late why that subway car is empty during rush hour
  • Ask Alec Baldwin for an autograph
Did you just ask for an autograph?

Did you just ask for an autograph?

Here are some of the things I never want to do in NYC ever again:

  • Cram myself on the last train out of Penn Station
  • Eat a hot dog or a Jamaican beef patty off a street cart
  • Stand in Times Square with all the people in costumes who may actually be axe murderers and are now dressed like The Cookie Monster, Homer Simpson or The Flash
  • Stand on the LIRR platform on a 3-degree day while the wind-chill factor makes it feel like -47 degrees
  • Switch from the M Train to the R Train in Chinatown
  • Walk everyday from Penn Station to 42nd Street and 2nd Ave
  • Shove my arm into the closing subway doors because God forbid I miss the train
  • Take the 7 train…anywhere
  • Ask Woody Allen for an autograph
Was that you I saw in Times Square?

Was that you I saw in Times Square?

But why stop at New York City? I wrote a blog post about My Bucket List back when I heard that the Mayans predicted the end of the world. So why not come up with a Reverse Bucket List inspired by the article I just read? (I think this is a hilarious and fun exercise).

Things I Never, Ever Want to Do Again

  • See the movie Ishtar
  • Download any album by The Black Eyed Peas
  • Cook a holiday meal from scratch for 20+ people
  • Be the Chairperson of the PTA’s Field Day
  • Be the Chairperson of any PTA event
How long before I'm on the cover with you?

How long before I’m on the cover with you?

  • Watch The Oprah Winfrey Show
  • See a freak show/contortionists
  • Live through a major renovation at my house
  • Bump into someone I once knew well, and have them realize that I forgot they ever existed
  • Pay $12 for a cup of ice cream that was mixed together with nuts and bananas, then chopped up on a piece of marble
  • Drive a car with no A/C, no heat, four bald tires, a bad transmission, and 200,000 miles on the odometer
  • Make chit chat with people who have no sense of humor
  • Hear accounting jokes
I prefer Jaws

I prefer Jaws

  • Read Moby Dick from cover to cover
  • Make broccoli soup
  • Ride a bike across the Brooklyn Bridge…or any bridge
  • Answer the question: what’s wrong with you?
  • Agree to sniff the milk after someone says, “Smell This”
  • Stay up all night building a doll house, making bite marks in carrots, and downing a half a dozen cookies and a big glass of (non-smelly) milk to prove that yes, Santa Claus was here
  • Watch a double feature of “Mother, Jugs & Speed” and “Kentucky Fried Movie”
Silly question

Silly question

  • Explain why I like James Garner
  • Run into an old crush
  • Wear a Catholic School uniform
  • Hear “One Tin Soldier Rides Away”
  • Eat Brussels sprouts
  • Crash land on the Hudson River
Can I borrow your car, Doc?

Can I borrow your car, Doc?

  • Take a time machine ride and land in Sister Margaret’s class
  • Laugh inappropriately at a funeral and have the family hear me
  • Get to the front of the movie line only to see “SOLD OUT” in the window
  • Stop re-reading Roger Ebert’s movie reviews (both good and bad)
  • Sell chocolate bars for a Catholic School fundraiser
Always a great escape

Always a great escape

  • Lose my DVD of The Great Escape
  • Not appreciate the New York City skyline
  • Forget to laugh
  • Be within a 400 mile radius of any playoff or finals venue
  • Be unable to change the radio station when “Blurred Lines” and “Wrecking Ball” comes on
  • Swear off ice cream cake

Recipes: Ice Cream Cakes

ice cream cake

 

This recipe for Ice Cream Cake from allrecipes.com looks very easy to make…and with all that chocolate, how can you go wrong?

Here’s another fun Ice Cream Cake recipe that doesn’t even require a recipe…and it looks super easy to make. It’s perfect for all of my friends who can’t cook or bake.

Personally, I would combine a yellow cake, Chunky Monkey ice cream, some hot fudge and maybe some cookie dough bits. Of course, I’d need to exercise for about 200 straight hours to work it all off, but so what. Life is short. Might as well eat your ice cream cake.

Although if you had to crash land on the Hudson, this was the plane to do it on

Although if you had to crash land on the Hudson, this was the plane to do it on

So, Hungry Lifers…what would your Reverse Bucket List look like? What would you never, ever want to do again—in NYC or anywhere else? Do you like ice cream cake? Please leave a comment below. Thanks.

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6 Comments »

  1. Hmmm, I would never want to get stuck in the elevator on the Eiffel Tower, get so panicky that I start scurrying around for a Valium in my pocketbook and then realize I don’t even have a prescription for that! I think I put lint in my mouth and pretended since I was so freaked out.
    – have a big expensive wedding
    – change my clothes in my car in the airport parking lot without looking around first
    – drive to New Jersey

    Comment by Suzanne — June 25, 2014 @ 9:18 am | Reply

  2. You got me thinking and I can’t really come up with a reverse bucket list so to speak just some things I’d choose not to do that I did. Never to have the operation for flat fleet that broke my arches, cut my Achilles tendon, took bone chips and put me in casts for a number of months so that I had to learn how to walk all over again at the age of 13. OR Go to a Jets game at Shea stadium or any stadium when the wind is howling and I am so cold that I don’t care at all as to the outcome of the game just so I could go home. Of course I’d never leave before. What kind of wuss do you think I am? I could go on but rather not because these memories are best left in the sub-conscious.

    Comment by Bglou — June 25, 2014 @ 6:35 pm | Reply

  3. Things I will never do again, here they are – Take four years to finish a two year Masters program while working two jobs. Take my 5 year old to soccer practice and games only to have her say at the last game, “why are we doing this anyway, I hate soccer?” Bringing my daughter to dance class and recitals for five years and have her say when she gets the five year trophy, “Why did I do this, this is a piece of junk!” Go back to graduate school for three years, get another degree and within the year of working under that license the job description changes. Moving to another home. I am going to put a tombstone on my front lawn and not even move to a cemetery. Experience a new restaurant that has spicy food and broken bathrooms when my Crohn’s problems are acting up. Tell an airline attendant that I am a School Psychologist and have her sit next to me the entire trip because of turbulence making it a therapy session. From now on I sell insurance and if that doesn’t stop people from talking on the plane I will try to get them to buy some.

    So Maria, these are the things I vow not to do again in this lifetime.

    Comment by Tony Lagalante — July 1, 2014 @ 10:26 am | Reply

    • Ha Ha Ha Spicy food and broken bathrooms. Tony, I think your responses are funnier than my posts! Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Comment by talesfromahungrylife — July 2, 2014 @ 9:58 pm | Reply

  4. Hi, Maria! I can only think of a couple of things right now, but I can tell you re: trains, I never ever want to be forced to take the E train at 10:30 PM from Penn Station to Jamaica, and get home at 2AM…watch the movie Even Cowgirls Get the Blues…eat succotash…or creamed corn…or head cheese…walk around the house at night barefoot when I have a sick cat…or have a sick cat…stick my feet in shoes before checking for spiders…sit on the toilet before checking for spiders…lend ANY of my books to anyone…buy a shirt two sizes too small thinking “I’ll get into this when I lose upteen pounds”…put a shook-up can of soda back in the fridge…eat a pupperoni thinking it’s beef jerk…taste catfood because I wondered what it was like…consume almost a huge slice of chocolate cake and follow it with a whole bottle of coffee brandy…ask someone “How are you today?” when I know darn well they will tell me EXACTLY how they are in gory detail…. Well, you get the picture.

    Comment by Joyce — July 6, 2014 @ 12:16 am | Reply

    • Hi Joyce! Are you SURE you don’t want to be on the train going home at 2 am or eat creamed corn? Your list is hysterical. I have a few of those “shirts too small to wear” in the back of my closet too. Thanks for reading and commenting–and following my blog.

      Comment by talesfromahungrylife — July 7, 2014 @ 7:03 am | Reply


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