by Maria Schulz
There are some things in life that always amaze me. Since every day is a new adventure, someone always comes along and makes me shake my head in wonder. So what are those things? I’m so glad you asked.
#1: You Don’t Have to Be Cruel to Be Kind
A while ago, I read an article in The New York Times about a woman who was incensed that men held doors open for her. Excuse me? What exactly are you complaining about? You live in NYC and people are being nice to you. Let me remind you that:
a. Kindness is always welcome…yes, even in NYC
b. Small kindnesses = Nothing to complain about
c. Their kind gesture is all about manners, consideration, and humanity. It’s NOT ABOUT male domination and the subjugation of women everywhere!
Likewise, a study showed that men who have doors opened for them by women feel less masculine. Really? So next time you’re struggling to open a door because you’re carrying ten packages, holding a squirming child’s hand, or just happen to be coming in right behind me, I should let the door slam in your face?
I hold doors open for people all the time. Why wouldn’t I? I can’t understand people who know you’re one step behind them, yet they let go of the door and walk away merrily while you get slammed. My momma taught me better than your momma, apparently.
#2: Prepared Lunches are NOT fair game
Why do people eat other people’s lunches? You know you didn’t bring anything to the office for lunch. And just to you give you the benefit of the doubt, let’s say you grabbed the wrong bag and upon opening it, you realized that the food inside isn’t yours.
So why would you eat it anyway?
As George Costanza in Seinfeld said, “We live in a SOCIETY!” Theft, lack of consideration, and a general inconsiderate nature does not excuse you from the conventions of society.
I used to work with a lovely young woman who had numerous health issues which she struggled with on a daily basis. As a result, she would bring in food that was meticulously prepared: weighed, meat-free, sugar-free, wheat-free, gluten-free, and probably, taste-free.
Yet every day, someone would eat her lunch.
This cost her time, money, and a TON of aggravation. She was reduced to tears on more than one occasion thanks to the cretin who decided to steal her lunch constantly. She finally left a note one day (taped to her food) that said:
Dear Food Thief,
I am forced to bring in specially prepared food due to a multitude of severe health issues. Please stop stealing it! Eating my food is wrong and you know it. Besides, I could get extremely sick if I ate the wrong thing.
Hungry & Sad
The note was still in the fridge, attached to the empty bag, after the person stole her food.
My co-workers and I offered several suggestions to stop the thief in his/her tracks. The one that made me laugh hardest and that I would never personally suggest to anyone? Adding laxatives to that meticulously prepared lunch. Not enough to cause harm, just enough to make it obvious who was stealing her food.
Being the lovely and kind young lady she was, she declined. It made me feel bad for her. Obviously, she didn’t come from the same neighborhood as us.
#3: I’m at the Manned Checkout Line for a Reason
I am not a big fan of the self-checkout line at the grocery store. I always do something wrong, and then I have to wait what seems like days until the attendant comes along and fixes whatever I did. So imagine my joy when I find a real, live grocery clerk at an open station.
The problem starts when I pay for my groceries and then start bagging. For some reason, the cashier sees this as an opportunity to not help me at all. Instead, he/she starts ringing up the next person, who:
a) piles their things on top of mine
b) expects me to get out of the way already
c) figures I might as well bag their stuff since I am standing there
So now, I wait for the clerk to start bagging before I help. Why? Because this seems to be the only way I can get help and stop the person behind me from trying to push me out of the way.
#4: No Problem Is A Problem
When did the phrase “no problem” replace the phrase “you’re welcome”? When I say “thank you,” the polite response is “you’re welcome.” Saying “no problem” makes it seem like you thought it was a problem in the first place.
Was it a problem? Why was it a problem? I didn’t mean to cause any trouble. I thought we were getting along and all of a sudden, there’s a problem? But wait—you said there was no problem…
It’s not like “no problem” is easier to say than “you’re welcome.” JUST SAY YOU’RE WELCOME!
#5: Helicopters are an HR person’s Least Favorite Thing
I have it on good authority that this behavior drives Human Resources people crazy: when young people who have been turned down for a job/promotion/raise/award have their Mommy or Daddy call to complain. A similarly bizarre phenomenon includes the request to bring Mom/Dad/Sister/Brother/Boyfriend/Girlfriend along so they can check out the building where this young person is going for an interview.
Apparently, helicopter parents and the helicoptered-sort-of-adult children they love are oblivious to this major faux pas. So ‘lemme ‘splain:
a. Adults do NOT have their mommies/daddies yell at their employers
b. If they do, they probably will need to find a new employer
c. Your obvious lack of judgment in this issue makes you a target for derision and scorn by all who work in Human Resources
d. Your HR person will never forget you…but not it a good way
e. This ain’t college, kiddo. Leave Mom/Dad/Siblings/Dates at home
This was the stolen lunch that made my young co-worker cry. She had to search everywhere for a recipe that was delicious and easy to make. This particular recipe got lots of great reviews from pizza lovers who must eat gluten free, so try it and let me know what you think.
Here are some recipes for those of us who do not eat Gluten-Free:
So…what amazes you? What crazy action or reaction makes you shake your head in wonder? Did anyone ever steal your food? Do you like Gluten-Free anything? Please join in and leave a comment below. Thanks!