Tales From A Hungry Life

May 2, 2016

A Hairy Story

by Maria Schulz

All right, I’ll admit it: my hair and I have had two very separate minds for most of my life. It all started when my cousin Angela asked if she could cut off my waist-length hair.

“Will it grow back in time for school?” I asked. (I was only 7, and It was August, by the way).

“Um, sure!” she said.

the-way-of-love-album-cover

I remember the sheer look of delight on Angela’s face when she was done. I also remember being very cold on the drive home, even though it was 85 degrees out. No worries though. My hair would grow back by September! Or not. I’m still waiting.

I never really had a hairstyle that I loved as much as that Cher-inspired, waist-length, straight as can be ‘do. Although, I did try really hard to find “the one.”

There was the Dorothy Hamill hair cut that I decided to get when every other girl on the planet got one too. Dorothy looked so cute! Look at her with her gold medal and pixie hair cut. I might never win a gold medal, but I was sure I could look equally adorable. Except…I looked more like Tony Danza in Taxi than Dorothy Hamill on the podium.

dorothy hamill

Looks good on her…

Fast forward to the ‘80s. High hair, perms, and mousse ruled the land. The models in the salon posters all looked FANTASTIC with their gigantic hair. If I looked just like those women in the posters, I was sure my life would be so much more fun.

There would be nights on the town! Laughter and merriment! Good times and great people. I got those hairstyles, and I met lots of amazing people, but still, something wasn’t quite right. I looked like a crazy, windblown peasant girl. Or, as my old Stern’s pal and co-worker John B. put it, I looked kind of like this.

lucy grape stomping

By the time the 80s ended, I thought I was over hair fads. So imagine my friend Dorothy’s surprise when I showed up on her wedding day in my bridesmaid’s gown looking like Joan Jett’s twin sister. I don’t think she was happy, but I was (if only I was half as successful at recreating this look the next day!)

Joan Jett

Yes, by the 90s I had sworn off those silly, hard-to-manage celebrity hairstyles for good. Until…Friends became the hottest show on television, and Rachel had the cutest hair. My poor hairstylist had to recreate this look for me (I’m pretty sure she hated it as much as I loved it). I have to admit, this style looked great on me, but it was a gigantic pain to keep up! No wonder Jennifer Aniston hated it.

rachel

Here’s the thing about my hair. It goes where it wants, whether I spend hours on it or let it air dry. Either way, I end up looking like this.

Bram Stokers Dracula

I finally made peace with it. I’m an adult now, and I understand that celebrities have one huge thing that I don’t: stylists! They have professionals spending hours and hours making them look fantastic. I’m lucky if I have 15 minutes to blow dry my hair. It’s time for me to accept the curly, wild, unpredictable, dense mane that the good Lord (and my Mama) gave me. Although these days, I really think I could pull this celebrity hairstyle off.

Betty White

Recipe: Angel Hair Pasta Primavera

I’ve made this recipe on numerous occasions and it’s always a big hit. I like to try different pastas, so spaghetti, penne, or angel hair pasta (my daughters’ favorite) all work. Your call! Don’t be intimidated by the long ingredient list. Pick your favorite vegetables, roast them, and go from there. You won’t be sorry! This is quick, delicious, and very satisfying.

no-cream pasta primavera

So, Hungry Lifers: do you have a love-hate relationship with your hair? Do you have hair? What was your favorite type of hairstyle EVER? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!

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17 Comments »

  1. From Japanese straightening to keratin to brazilian and countless other relaxing treatments, I’ve spent half my life trying to make my hair behave. I’d have to say it’s been good to me despite all the abuse. What I hate most now is being a slave to my hairdresser because of the gray. The grays seem to grow quite fast – I’m sure if you had a head of gray when you were seven, it would have been back to full length by the time school started!

    Comment by Christine — May 2, 2016 @ 7:09 am | Reply

    • The grays rule my life now! I wish I was one of those women who could rock the salt-n-pepper look. Mom did it! Maybe I will…in my next decade.

      Comment by talesfromahungrylife — May 3, 2016 @ 9:09 am | Reply

  2. Lol, Maria!! Especially the Tony Danza comment. After 51 years I finally have the hair I want. My mother was wrong, my hair actually does grow vertically instead of horizontally. I spent my early childhood as a boy wth one eyebrow and a pixie, then the later part with a shag, still with one eyebrow. My sister tried to help me with my hair in between all the laughter. On special occasions my mother would take me to this place in Roslyn, the guy there was the only person who could fix it. There was a blonde wig in my house when I was little ( another story), I use to wear that around the house when I got home from school. As soon as my hair got long I destroyed it with sun in. I should’ve just worn the wig!!

    Comment by Suzanne — May 2, 2016 @ 7:21 am | Reply

    • HA HA HA you crack me up. If you were a boy with a pixie cut, we have lots in common. Remember, I was Tony Danza…with one eyebrow!

      Comment by talesfromahungrylife — May 3, 2016 @ 9:11 am | Reply

  3. My problem with this subject is it goes by so quickly, “Hair today gone tomorrow!”. Cut the groaning I just couldn’t resist. My favorite hairstyle Pompadour named after Madame de Pompadour the mistress of King Louis XV. This is not the King I was named after who is Saint Louis. Actually I was named after my father but I digress. I wore this style except for summer months when I got crew cuts like The Chicago, Detroit and of course occasionally I played with “The Ducks Ass” not an actual Duck but the hairstyle. As I lost the ability to have these styles because of a condition called BALDING I played with the “wave over” which looked fine until a gust of wind would blow the wrong way and the wave of hair would stand up revealing my bald pate. Nowadays my hairstyle is skin which is called balding or just bald. Thank you for a painful but enjoyable blog.

    Comment by bglou — May 2, 2016 @ 11:18 am | Reply

    • I will always remember your combover on windy days and when you were woken up suddenly. Good times!

      Comment by talesfromahungrylife — May 3, 2016 @ 9:13 am | Reply

  4. I am vain about a few things, including my hair. I’m sure I’m wrong when I see “silky, shiny, and thick”…all the things Seventeen magazine said it should be! But I refuse to put chemicals in it. I’m growing old gracefully–another fallacy. I fear sometimes I’ll look like Keith Richards. He may be eternal, but I wouldn’t want to scare little children in the street!

    Comment by Beth Goehring — May 2, 2016 @ 11:33 am | Reply

    • From the day I met you, I thought you were one of those lucky people who looked great with their haircut. As for me, I am growing old gracelessly. I am too tired to fight my hair. I’m getting ready for my Betty White moment!

      Comment by talesfromahungrylife — May 3, 2016 @ 9:18 am | Reply

  5. I was born with pitch black, kinky curls. As I got older, my hair straightened & turned a mousey brown. Since having kids, my hair has become curly again. I like to wear it long so it’s more wavy. I also liked dyeing my hair red, unfortunately, that’s a hard color to maintain & on really hot days my hair looked like Heat Miser’s! LOL. So basically, my favorite style is brown, long & wavy.

    Comment by Jo-Anne — May 2, 2016 @ 2:46 pm | Reply

    • I feel your pain, Jo-Anne. My hair started out arrow straight and blonde (yes! Blonde). By the time I was 8, it was brown, and by the time I was a teen I had dark, wavy, crazy tendrils. I tried red for awhile but got tired of it. Who knows what the future holds (probably white hair, and soon!)

      Comment by talesfromahungrylife — May 3, 2016 @ 9:23 am | Reply

  6. Hair! Hair! Hair! We always want what we don’t have…I’ve just been contemplating for a year now if I should let it grow out all gray… I am mostly “salt” and very little “pepper” it seems and I am Tired of root jobs mostly because I don’t like spending time in the chair on a Saturday for an hour….the pics on google of gray hair styles are all beautiful because the women are beautiful and thin…I finally decided to wait a few years before I go all gray and am happy lightening up my roots…I have contemplated shaving my head and I’m not that far removed from doing it…@ 50+ years, vanity is inconvenient. I’ll leave you with this, once I came home with a haircut- I thought i liked- until my boyfriend (Chris) said, “you have a mullet”. I said, “What? what is a mullet?” And, he started to laugh! I spent all night with my head in the sink trying to “wash” out the mullet I didn’t know i had and hated it!! Nothing I could do about it. I was stuck with a mullet and the sound of laughter in my ears!

    Comment by Anne — May 2, 2016 @ 9:00 pm | Reply

    • I think Chris is still laughing over my Dorothy Hamill ‘do. You know what’s worse? One time I asked for a trim, the stylist misunderstood, and she cut the hair off up to my ear. Then when I wailed, she said…WHAT SHOULD I DO? By the time I got home, I looked like one of my uncles. I walked through the door expecting laughter, but my brothers just looked at me in shocked and eerie silence. That’s when I knew how bad it was! PS you always look great!

      Comment by talesfromahungrylife — May 3, 2016 @ 9:27 am | Reply

      • Great Topic for the Blog Maria! I’ll show you a pic of above “story”next time we see each other…

        Comment by Anne — May 3, 2016 @ 7:47 pm

  7. I loved my Farrah Faucet haircut.

    Comment by Suzanne — May 3, 2016 @ 9:00 am | Reply

  8. Maria, love the question did I have a long relationship with my hair? No, it was short (I went bald). It always had a mind of its own. I could never get one side to look like the other. Now all I have to do is paste it down with my hands and the look is everlasting as well as symmetrical.

    Comment by Tony Lagalante — May 26, 2016 @ 11:42 am | Reply


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