by Maria Schulz
Let me just say: I have had the privilege to work with some of the best people in the world. My colleagues, past and present, are creative, funny, intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate, and capable. They are true problem solvers and go-getters who come to the office every day and produce great work under all kinds of conditions. They show their humanity by holding doors open for others, taking care of their families, helping old ladies cross the street, volunteering at soup kitchens, saving animals in need, and giving of themselves relentlessly.
But let’s be honest: I have also worked with some real lemons. Some co-workers have had all the charm of a Manson family member and yet none of the manners. They floated through life with disgusting habits, a Debbie Downer attitude, no work ethic, verbal incontinence, and zero compassion.
It’s inevitable that people at work will get on your nerves. After all, you spend more time with those people then you do with the people you love. Forty hours a week is a lot of time for people to do annoying things.
You may be saying to yourself: really? Give me one good example of an annoying thing someone has done. Well, guess what? You’re in luck, because here are:
The Twelve Annoying Habits of Highly Irritating Co-Workers
- Using the office scissors to clip your toenails. There are some things you should NEVER do at work. Certainly, if you have a private office with a door you can lock, you can save me the horror of witnessing this moment in your personal hygiene regimen. I don’t understand why you’re clipping your toenails at work, or why you feel the need to attend to your cruddy feet during office hours—but at least you’ve got the good sense to HIDE. However, if you are one of the unwashed masses working in an open floor plan or you are in an open cubicle, skip this nasty chore. That’s what home is for. And for your health as well as mine, invest in your own pair of scissors.
- Reading the Avon catalog like it’s Playboy. You never know who might walk into the coffee room, so if you’re ogling the ladies in bras and lingerie from the Avon catalog like it’s a XXX mag, I beg of you: STOP. And please, wash your hands before you touch the coffee pot.
- Stealing the Avon catalog. Hey! There are lots of other people in the office who want to buy Avon and/or ogle the pretty ladies. Your poor underpaid co-worker is trying to make a second living here.
- Touching every single munchkin before deciding you don’t want one anyway because you think you may have the stomach virus. Do I need to explain this one?
- Coming to work when you think you have the stomach virus. And hanging around in my doorway, telling me about your severe GI distress. Ditto if you’ve got a raging cold, scabies, lice, or a wound that just won’t close. By the way, I don’t need to know how you contracted malaria.
- Making believe you don’t know how to make coffee after you just drank your twelfth cup. Come on…really?
- Eating someone else’s lunch. You know you didn’t make yourself lunch. Just in case you’re wondering, the lunch gods didn’t make you one either.
- Bringing your small child to work and letting him run up and down the aisles screaming: “MY MOTHER HATES YOU ALL!” While I find this hilarious, you may get in trouble.
- Heating up your smelly, disgusting lunch in the tiny, windowless room we call our kitchen. How I love working as the smell of rancid Tiger Fish Surprise wafts all around me.
- Leaving the only working microwave so full of tomato sauce, it looks like a murder victim was in there. Just in case you missed the memo, your momma doesn’t work here. Clean up your mess.
- Parking so close to my car that I would have to be Harry Houdini to get into it. I find this especially annoying when there are twelve empty spots adjacent to where you parked. Also, making believe you aren’t the one who smashed my car door makes you King of the Jerks. Just sayin’.
- Arguing with your soon-to-be ex on the phone in a voice so loud it would make a carnival barker blush. Am I supposed to comfort you when you start sobbing? Make believe I don’t hear you? Bring popcorn? I’m never really sure. But I do know one thing…I’m not making popcorn in the microwave because it will stink up the place.
Recipe: 38 Grilled Fish Recipes
You’ll find Foil-Pack Shrimp Scampi, Grilled Cod Tacos with Chipotle Crema, Lemony Grilled Salmon, Grilled Shrimp Tacos with Siracha Slaw, Thai Catfish Skewers, and more. Just think how delighted your co-workers will be when you put your leftovers in the shared office microwave the next day.
So, Hungry Lifers: what crazy, thoughtless, or completely over-the-top habits have you encountered in the small, cramped, Nirvanah-like space you call work? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!