Happy 5th Anniversary to Me

by Maria Schulz

Five years ago this April, I hit “publish” on my very first blog post. This was no small feat, since I had always been afraid to share my writing with the world at large. My high school English teachers were the first to point out that I had a knack for writing, but I didn’t always believe them. I ranked it right up there with my mother telling me I was beautiful. Who believes that?

A photo from my very first post. My dad, uncle, and their friends from “the Hill,” Queensborough Hill.

 

Mr. Reines once told me: “Maria, you’re a writer! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Mr. Brodsky was a bit more blunt:  “Damn it, Maria, you’re not Emily Dickinson. Stop putting your stuff under the bed. Get it out there!” It only took me a few decades to follow his advice, but I’m glad I finally did.

I’ll admit it, there have been times when the old fear creeps in and I feel paralyzed. What if no one likes it? What if no one (gasp) laughs? What if I send this blog post out there, and absolutely NOTHING HAPPENS? What if I expose myself as a MORON? What if no one buys my book? Will I be able to keep my sense of humor about it? Here are my answers to those burning and idiotic personal questions:

How long before I’m on the cover with you?

1. No one may like my blog post, but I’m probably sitting here laughing as I write it, so at least it helped bring down my blood pressure for a few minutes

2. Again, someone laughed–me! The rest is gravy

Maybe Super Grover could hold my book

3. What exactly do I think is going to happen? I haven’t gotten my 5 minutes with Oprah yet (except in my imagination) and the Tales From A Hungry Life balloon hasn’t gone live at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade either, but I’ve gotten lots of fun comments from people that are always hilarious and inspiring. So it’s all good.

4. I’m a writer. It would be moronic NOT to have opinions, ideas, or thoughts that I wanted to share. Yes, people have sent me mean comments and said my writing made them want to drink. Those words stung…but then I realized, maybe those comments were more about them then they were about me.

Now available on amazon.com

5. My book has been more successful than I had ever imagined, and I have my “platform” to thank for that. Platform is the word writers use to describe their social media presence. It reminds me of when I was in London some years ago and crazy people stood up on platforms and shouted out their ideas on a whole range of subjects in the public square. Yes, that describes my blog pretty well.

6. My sense of humor is still intact, thank you. It’s kind of like a very good friend that I keep by my side to cheer me on when I’m afraid that I can’t continue. It’s also nourished by my real (and not imaginary) friends who drop off gifts of crumb cake after I’ve posted something (Yes, Paula, I mean you).

I never thought I would still be blogging 5 years later. It’s not that I didn’t have something to say…it’s just that I wasn’t sure anyone would respond. For once, I’m happy to be wrong about something. This blog has been the place that I could write about things that meant something to me, and discover that I was not alone.

This cover still cracks me up

 

This is the place where I can write about the past–beloved pets, teachers, friends, and family. I can share the hilarious stories about my brothers (who are the best comedians I’ve ever known) and my well-meaning but very human parents. I could write about celebrities that I admired and those that passed on–Joan Rivers, Robin Williams, and of course, James Garner.  I could also write about the present: movies I love, life as a Mom, PTA shenanigans, growing pains with my kids, love and laughter with my husband.

Always a great escape

Over the past 5 years, I have experienced a kind of creative freedom that you can’t get just anywhere. When I post, I’m the boss: what I say goes. Of course, that doesn’t stop my boss from sometimes being critical and editing everything I do (what can I say, I’m a pain), but it’s made me a more committed and dedicated writer. I completed my first book, wrote a short story that was included in another book, and have started on my second book, and all of it happened because this blog gave me the confidence to work towards those dreams.

My story is in this book!

I’ve nurtured my blog through the early days when I wasn’t sure what I was doing and I’ve grown in confidence. If my blog was a child, it would be ready to go off to Kindergarten right about now. There are lots of fun days ahead. I’ll try to enjoy them, because the teen years are right around the corner.

Thanks to everyone who reads, comments, and shares my blog. I’m looking forward to the next five years and all of the new challenges and adventures that blogging will bring. As my niece Katie says, “this is going to be fun!”

As for you, Mr. Brodsky: I still have plenty of stuff piled under that bed. Thanks for encouraging me to share it with the world.

RECIPES:

Crumb Cake

This recipe is outrageously buttery, but that’s what makes it good. Imagine my delight when my pal, Paula, dropped off a hunk of crumb cake for me one morning after she read that week’s blog post. If this is what fan mail is all about, I’m in.

100 Healthy Dessert Ideas

For those of you who need to satisfy your sweet tooth but want to go light, here are 100 healthy ideas from Cooking Light. These good-for-you treats include bourbon-glazed peaches with yogurt, blackberry merlot granita, carrot cake, and many more delicious options.

So, Hungry Lifers: have you ever done something outside of your comfort zone? Did it take you several decades to do it? What’s your favorite dessert recipe–either so bad it’s good or tastes great/good for you too? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!

Valentine’s Day Wisdom

by Maria Schulz

 

R-O-M-A-N-C-E

There are all sorts of news stories on about Valentine’s Day. These included a young, college-aged couple who got engaged LIVE…some sexy desserts to make for your sweetheart (the anchorman was instructed on how to fold whipped cream into chocolate pudding…not exactly rocket science), and 3 movie critics’ all-time favorite romantic movies (Annie Hall, The Way We Were, and When Harry Met Sally).

But my favorite story of all was a report about a special dinner for couples who have been married for DECADES. Not just 2 or 3 decades either…I’m talking 5, 6, and 7 decades. SEVEN DECADES!!!

Decades ago

The reporter asked the couple who had been married 73 years (the longest-married couple there) how he proposed.

“Did you do anything special? Did you write her a poem?”

“I said I love you.”

I don’t know about you, but I was very impressed. I admire people who don’t feel the need to create a 3-ring circus.

Next, the reporter asked another couple (married 67 years) what the secret to their success was. They looked at each other, laughed, and the wife said:

“Keep smiling, and keep your big mouth shut.”

So romantic. And so true!

I’ve been inspired by these words of wisdom from the people who have been through the wars (literally) and somehow, managed to keep their sense of humor and get through the hard parts of marriage. Those vows say, “for better or worse,” not “for better or better.” If you don’t think love requires sacrifice and tough times, you have probably never been in love…or watched Henry Fonda explain love in Yours, Mine, and Ours, to his teenage stepdaughter:

This family makes mine seem small

“Life isn’t a love in, it’s the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and…ground round instead of roast beef. And I’ll tell you something else: it isn’t going to a bed with a man that proves you’re in love with him; it’s getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts.”

Unfortunately, love confuses some people. Not everyone is blessed with the good sense of Henry Fonda or even the words of wisdom of our long married seniors (especially the ones who said “keep smiling and shut up.”) This is especially true on Valentine’s Day. So, as a public service to others, I’m going to offer this list.

14 Things You Shouldn’t Tell Your Sweetheart on Valentine’s Day

14. Happy Valentine’s Day, [insert name of old girlfriend/boyfriend here]!

13. How old is that dress, anyway?

12. I didn’t make a reservation because I know you love to cook for me.

11. My old girlfriend/boyfriend never cared about Valentine’s Day!

10. I don’t care if that outfit makes you look fat. More for me to love!

9. I got you this dustbuster!

8. Why do I have to buy you something? You’re a guy!

7. Here’s $20. Go buy yourself something special.

6. I thought you liked pots and pans!

5. How was I supposed to know that an earring box looks the same as an engagement box?

4. I am so head over heels in like with you.

3. Instead of going to a fancy restaurant, I bought you a Fat Blaster Boot Camp class. It starts in ½ hour, so if you run, you can start blasting that fat right now!

2. In this light, you look just like your mother/father.

1. I didn’t get you a card or gift because I know how much you hate these made up holidays.

Now that I’ve shared some helpful conversational tips with you regarding love and minefields, here are some romantic movies that I’d like to suggest (great viewing anytime):

Shakespeare In Love:

Joseph Fiennes (young Will S.) is inspired to write Romeo and Juliet, the story of two star-crossed-lovers thanks to his romance with Lady Viola (Gwyneth Paltrow, before she was annoying, and dressed up as a man so she can act in Will’s play). Whether or not Shakespeare in Love deserved that Best Picture Oscar over Spielberg’s WWII epic, it’s definitely a better choice on Valentine’s Day.

A la familia!

Moonstruck

Loretta (Cher) is ready to marry a man she doesn’t love because she thinks if she does everything by the book this time, marriage will work out for her (her first husband was hit by a bus). But then, she meets her future brother-in-law…and sparks fly. I have seen this movie approximately 147 times, and I laugh and enjoy it Every. Single. Time.

Mystic Pizza

Sisters Kat and Daisy and their best friend, Jo-Jo, work together in their local pizza shop in Mystic, Connecticut. Kat, who is off to Yale in a few months, has a crush on her boss at her babysitting job; Daisy has fallen for a rich boy from the other side of town; and Jo-Jo has left her beloved boyfriend at the altar because she’s terrified of growing up. This is a sweet coming of age story that is perfect for binge watching on Valentine’s weekend when it’s snowing outside…again!

Dirty Dancing

Great music! Patrick Swayze dances! Jennifer Gray falls in love with him! “Nobody puts baby in the corner!” Need I say more? Get the popcorn and a box of your Valentine’s chocolates. This one’s a keeper.

Murphy’s Romance

Emma (Sally Field) and Murphy (James Garner) become friends with the hope of something more…until Emma’s ex husband shows up. Here’s a charming, funny movie that shows you’re never too old to fall in love…or too young to finally recognize it.

Knocked Up

Okay, so I still have a hard time believing that Katherine Hegl would go for Seth Rogan…but I will suspend my disbelief. As this unlikely couple gets to know each other, and their baby is on the way, they learn a lot about what they both really want out of life. It’s funny, endearing, and definitely a fun movie to watch with your sweetheart.

The Way, Way Back

Awkward teenager Duncan is stuck going with his mom, her annoying boyfriend, and the boyfriend’s obnoxious daughter to the boyfriend’s beach house. Duncan is miserable until he ends up finding a job at a local water park, befriending the cool owner, and meeting the proverbial girl-next-door, who just might like him too. This isn’t really a “date night” movie, but it does say a lot about love and commitment, and you can watch it with family (older teens) and everyone will enjoy it.

You’ve Got Mail

An anonymous online flirtation develops even as this pair—who knows and hates each other—considers themselves enemies. His giant book store is about to annihilate her tiny, beloved neighborhood book store. Will they ever learn they’re meant for each other? Could they be soul mates? It’s fun watching Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan realize that they don’t actually hate each other, and yes, they are meant for each other.

RECIPES:

25 Valentine’s Day Chocolate Desserts

Why just have pudding with whipped cream folded in when you can have one of these decadent chocolate desserts? From a Towering Flourless Chocolate cake and Chocolate Covered Strawberries to Chocolate Stout Affogato Egg Cream and Chocolate Truffles, there are so many ways to delight your Valentine—any day of the year.

Cheers!

So, Hungry Lifers: what’s the best advice you have for others this Valentine’s Day? Do you have a favorite romantic movie? Want to share a decadent dessert? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Happy Valentine’s Day

 

 

 

New Year’s and The Secret to A Happy Life

by Maria Schulz

Another holiday season is behind us. The days aren’t so much merry and bright as they are bare and gray. It’s the New Year, and that makes me think about all I want to accomplish in the next 12 months.

What will I accomplish in 2015?

The earliest days of January always fill me with a mixture of boredom, anticipation, anxiety, and hope. Maybe this year, I will become a better person, write more books, sell more copies of the one I already have out there, be kinder, get fit, lose weight, or even finish reading November 22, 1963 by Stephen King.

As I searched the Internet for ways to become a better person this New Year, I came across an article called “The Secrets to A Happy Life—Courtesy of Tolstoy.” In this very inspiring article, the author explains how, through Tolstoy’s example, we can keep an open mind, become more empathetic, make a difference, learn new things, and accept others.

Not her.

I enjoyed War and Peace and Anna Karenina, but I realize that some readers’ eyes may glaze over by the things that excite an English major like me. So, I tried to think of someone a little bit more current. Someone who was a good sport, fought fair, and tried his or her very best. Someone whose worldview I admired, appreciated, and embraced. They didn’t have to be real…just real to me.

Therefore, I’m going to put forth my own:

Secrets to A Happy Life—Courtesy of Jim Rockford

What a smile

1. Keep Smiling. Sure it’s hard to smile at everyone, especially when you suspect that they’re stupid, insane, or bent on killing you. But a smile is always your best bet, because the people who like you will be more willing to forgive your mistakes. And the ones who don’t will spend so much time trying to figure out what you’re smiling about that you’ll have the extra time you need to get away from them.

2. Accept Your Friends’ Character Quirks. Angel wasn’t exactly the best friend Jim could’ve hoped for, but he certainly did make life interesting. Yes, he was the reason that Jim often got shot at, beaten up, or found by the bad guys, but he also unwittingly helped Jim solve a case or two. So you’ve got to take the good with the bad.

3. Keep an Open Mind. Beggars can’t be choosers, and it’s not every day that someone comes through the door willing to pay $200 a day, plus expenses. So when opportunity comes a knockin’, you’d better open that door.

4. Expand Your Social Circle: it’s important to have family and friends to get you through the rough times, but it pays to meet new people. Sometimes Jim’s escapades let him play at being an Oklahoma millionaire or even to hob knob with rich folk played by Lauren Bacall. So go on…get out there!

5. Practice Empathy. When his friend, Rita Capkovic (played by Rita Moreno) gets beaten up by her pimp, Jim takes her into his trailer and nurses her back to health. Yeah, sure, this ends up causing her to fall in love with him and drive him crazy, but still. Empathy is good.

6. Live the Simple Life. Jimbo lived in a trailer! He’d rather go fishing with his dad, Rocky, than work! He didn’t obsess over the many debtors that called and left messages on his answering machine! His favorite foods were Oreos, tacos, and steak, with a beer chaser! He lived life on his terms, and I love that.

I still want to meet Jim and Rocky

7. Beware Your Contradictions. While Jim may have preferred the simple life of fishing and loafing off, he also liked things like gold Pontiac Firebirds, dinner with a pretty girl every now and again, and loud sports jackets. Did he begrudge himself these things? Nope. He embraced it all. That’s my boy.

8. Never Take Sides Against the Family: Sure, Rocky drove Jim crazy. Whenever he heard what Jimmy was up to, he tried to talk him into “getting a real job,” or “staying out of prison.” Others may have found Rocky annoying, but no one said so to Jim, since he inherently understood that his father always had his back.

9. Always Keep It Real. Jim Rockford never put on airs; you knew where you stood with good ol’ Jimmy. Wouldn’t it be great if you could say the same thing about all of the people in your life?

10. When in Doubt, Run. Perhaps Jim’s best character trait was his ardent desire NOT to be shot, manhandled, punched in the head, or beaten to a bloody pulp. He was the anti-hero’s hero at a time when detectives like Mannix showed their masculinity by being left for dead in the gutter. Sure, a punch or two always seemed to hit the mark, but if Jim could disappear at the first sign of trouble, he was out of there. Now that’s my kind of hero.

Recipes:

Hmmm hmmm good

Chile-Spiced Skirt Steak Tacos: delicious, and a great way to combine two of Jimmy’s favorite things (you don’t even have to visit his favorite restaurant, Casa Taco):

Oreos! Make ‘em at home using this recipe.

Food Network’s homemade Oreos

I would give you a recipe for home-brewing your own beer, but that’s WAY too swanky for Jim Rockford (not to mention, me). Remember to ask yourself: WWJD (What Would Jimbo Do?) Keep it simple—pop open a can of your favorite, just like Jimmy would.

For those of you who are wondering, I was inspired to write this post because  James Garner was on all of the “Celebrities We Lost in 2014” lists, and it made me a little bit sad. So here’s a fun way to celebrate him again.

Awwww…Jimmy

So, Hungry Lifers…what are your hopes for the New Year? Which TV show would you base your Secrets to a Happy Life on? Do you like spicy tacos, oreos, and beer chasers? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks, and Happy New Year!

End of an Era

by Maria Schulz

The last two weeks have been tough for my childhood idols. First off, my favorite movie star, James Garner, died at the age of 86. As a result, for a few short days, some of my posts had an international audience. Thank You, James Garner, My Fan Letter to James Garner, James Garner and Fruit Pie, Perfect Together, and Pin Up Material got several thousand hits. That was amazing…and another reason for me to really love that man.

Now that the shock has passed, I realized that I didn’t get a chance to write about another childhood idol whose passing was sudden and sad: Johnny Winter.

The late great Johnny Winter

The first people I called about JW’s passing were my brothers, Jude and Chris. Jude was the person who introduced Chris and me to the legendary blues musician who was dubbed one of the “100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time” by Rolling Stone magazine.

I can still picture Jude’s bedroom in our old house. Besides the lava lamps, fringe and odd mood lighting, there were pictures and memorabilia in every nook and cranny. Johnny Winter, Edgar Winter, and other rock-n-roll legends like The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Lynrd Skynrd, The Grateful Dead and more graced every square inch of wall space.

Wall worthy

When I was very little, I remember Jude running through the front door of our old house, telling Chris and me to go “get on the couch and really feel the music.” Then, he’d put his newest prized possession on our turntable: the latest album from The Beatles, The Allman Brothers, and of course, Johnny Winter.

Years later, Jude was still staging music marathons on nights when our parents weren’t home. Like the guitarist from Spinal Tap, Jude would spin the volume dial “up to 11.” That way, the entire neighborhood could hear us playing Still Alive and Well, Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo, and Edgar Winter’s Frankenstein.

Johnny and Edgar as kids

We bounced, swayed and sang on those couches while one of the lights from Jude’s band gigs bounced off the walls and lit up the room in rays of blue, green, and red. Between the ear-deafening music and the colorful light show, I’ll bet that our neighbors found even more reasons to hate us.

Jude so idolized Johnny Winter that when he brought home a pet albino rat from the lab where he worked, he dubbed him “JW.” JW went on to live a very happy, experiment-free life in a cage in Jude’s room, possibly staring at his albino namesake on the wall.

Chris went on to perform some of those same songs in his own band called Pee Wee Sweet. I can still see him, my cousin Tommy, and our friend Mike playing “In Memory of Elizabeth Reed” and even “Frankenstein” at gigs all over Queens and Long Island.

Always a great performer

Some years later, I had the chance to see Johnny Winter in concert at the Jones Beach theater. It can be hard to see your favorite stars mulling through an opening act sometimes. Not so with Johnny Winter. He stood there, wearing his black cowboy hat and strumming away, singing in that growly voice, and the crowd was transfixed. He was tremendously talented and I’m so glad I got to seem him perform.

When I told Jude about Johnny Winter’s passing, he said that JW was “one of his all time favorite musicians” and one of his “greatest” idols. I know how he feels, since James Garner passed just a few days later.

But you know, they say these things come in threes….

I learned last week that my brother Louie’s old friend, Boots, passed away.

“WHAT????” I texted to Chris.

Since Boots was sick for some time, it shouldn’t have been a shock. But isn’t it always when a friend from the old days passes away?

Boots

Peter Bozza, a.k.a. “Boots,” had the kind of laugh that made you want to laugh too, and a wicked sense of humor. I first met Boots when I was in high school, when Louie and Boots worked together at bars in Bayside, The Hamptons and Hunter Mountain.

When I think of Boots, I remember all the times he came to our house and shared some pizza, White Castle, or Jack-in-the-Box. One of our favorite stories was about how Boots set an all-time record at White Castle, consuming 125 cheeseburgers in one sitting. I don’t know if that story was true, but I’ll bet if it wasn’t 125 cheeseburgers, it was close.

Worth the trip.

Back in my Sizzler days, Boots would come to the restaurant, order every “all you can eat” item off the menu, and chow down. When his weight topped 600 pounds, he entered a medically supervised fast. He would crack us up with stories of how his support group was next door to a pizzeria, and on more than one occasion, the other members would catch him enjoying an entire pizza right after the weigh in.

But Boots stuck with it and lost 150 pounds. He stopped by our house one day and my Dad greeted him.

“Hey, Boots! You look good. Did you get a hair cut?” Dad said.

“No, Mr. Lagalante,” Boots replied. “I lost 150 pounds.”

“Oh,” Dad said. “Well, keep up the good work!”

I remember him as someone who had a big appetite for everything: food, dancing, pretty girls, laughter, movies, take-out, and alcohol. But I also remember the devoted son who asked me to spend time with his Mom, who had Alzheimers.

On days when Boots was away, I would check in on her. I’d make sure she had someone to talk to, that she took her medication, and that the stove was turned off. I quickly understood why Boots had a weight problem, since his mother wanted to feed me about 75 times a day. As an old Italian momma, food was love. That was something I understood very well.

Always ready for some fun

Seeing Boots walk through the door meant we were all in for big laughs. I will always remember Boots dancing the night away at my brother’s wedding, chugging mini-champagne bottles and laughing.

Boots may not have been an international celebrity, but he sure was a celebrity in our little corner of the world.

Cheers, Boots. I hope they have White Castles wherever you are.

Recipes:

Photo by Taste of Home

In honor of Johnny Winter: here’s a Texas Toast Steak Sandwich recipe that’s gotten rave reviews.

And in honor of Boots, here’s a recipe for Mini Meatball Heroes:

Photo from Food Network

So…who was your childhood hero? Did you rock out to Johnny Winter or know someone as full of life like Boots? Please leave a comment below. Thanks!

Thank You, James Garner

by Maria Schulz

Aww, Jimbo

This morning, my daughter burst out of her room with the news I’d feared for quite some time: James Garner passed away at the age of 86.

She hugged me and said, “I’m sorry for your loss. I really liked that man.”

I thanked her and hugged her back. “Thank you.”

My phone has been buzzing with texts, emails, and even the old landline has been ringing. All of my family and friends are calling since everyone who knows me at all knows that this celebrity loss will sting a little bit more than the many others I’ve written about.

I was sad when Dick Clark, Davy Jones, Jean Stapleton, Roger Ebert as well as the Professor from Gilligan’s Island and Reuben Kincaid from The Partridge Family passed away. But James Garner? This one really got to me.

And he wrote too

I logged on here to write about him, and I discovered that 331 people (so far) have viewed my blog posts, James Garner and Fruit Pie: Perfect Together and My Fan Letter to James Garner in just the past hour.

So what was it about James Garner?  Maybe it’s the fact that he played every part with a sense of humor; you have to love a person who can make you laugh. That, and he never seemed to be like those egomaniacs you read about in Hollywood. Mr. Garner just seemed like a regular old Oklahoma boy who happened to be a movie star, and that came through in every movie, show, or TV ad he ever made.

The Scrounger and The Forger

James Garner’s movies bring me back to those happy, carefree days of my childhood. I looked forward to seeing him whenever the 4:30 movie played The Great Escape. Since it’s a long movie, you really had to dedicate days to it, since the movie was broken up to fit the small time slot. Whenever it was on, my brothers and I would run to watch it every day, because maybe this time, things would turn out differently.

Some people may have watched it for the motorcycle scenes with Steve McQueen, but give me the scene in the Scrounger’s room where he lifts the wallet that belonged to Werner the Guard every time.  I always cheered when the Scrounger showed everyone what he’d gotten; without those identification papers,  the group could have never run away. Then, when he insisted that he’d help the Forger (Donald Pleasance) escape, I spent the rest of the movie rooting for the both of them to make it to safety.

Greatest. Show. Ever.

Support Your Local Sheriff and Support Your Local Gunfighter also brings back lots of happy memories munching on chocolate chip cookies or brownies with my childhood pal, Marianne, by my side. Sundays at her house, enjoying those funny movies and munching on her mother’s hot-from-the-oven goodies, were all about good people and good times.

Murphy’s Romance featured James Garner’s portrayal of the perfect hopeful romantic lead (even as an older man). Throughout, he quietly, persistently, and patiently waited for Sally Field’s character to realize that he’s the right man for her. “Take another tack, Emma,” Murphy tells her when she’s just not getting it right. My mother and I saw this in the movies when it came out, and I don’t know who enjoyed it more–her or me. I can still see her sitting beside me, laughing and enjoying this quiet, thoughtful, and yes, romantic movie.

Then, of course, there were the years he played Jim Rockford on The Rockford Files. Every Friday night, I would sit down with my parents and watch this show. From the opening scene with the answering machine (different every week, and always a hilarious message just for Jim) to the action-packed very end, we enjoyed every second of each episode. I can still hear the theme song from the show in my head, and it’s one of the happier sounds in there.

Jim Rockford was surrounded by a legion of quirky characters who made the show fun and unique, and we grew to love them and wait in anticipation for them to appear. In his memoir, James Garner said that he created his own production company, and his workers remarked that they loved coming to work every day because he was the kind of boss that everyone wanted: fair, fun, honest, and willing to work just as hard (if not harder) than he ever asked you to.

I still want to meet Jim and Rocky

I know that James Garner was sick for some time now, and I feel for his wife of almost 60 years and his two daughters. I’m really grateful to him for all the years of entertainment he brought into my life and all of the happy childhood memories he helped create for me. Besides my father, grandfathers, uncles and brothers, I like to think that James Garner’s characters helped me identify all of the traits I hoped to find in a good man: handsome, funny, smart, and capable. I’m lucky to have found all that and more in my husband.

So, thank you James Garner for all the invaluable life lessons, and for filling that part of my childhood with years of laughter, adventure, and amusement.  From The Scrounger to Jim Rockford and beyond, you were the best.

Cool Summer Recipes

I wanted to salute James Garner with a recipe that was cool and retro–and a Wedge Salad seemed to fit the bill. If you try it, I hope you enjoy it.

Here are 14 more great summer recipes, including one for chicken salad, pasta with zucchini and ham, squash and orzo salad and more choices that are light, delicious, and definitely cool.

So…who was your favorite celebrity? Do you have a favorite James Garner movie or TV show? Do you like wedge salad? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!

Let’s Eat, Part V

by Maria Schulz

I just got a virtual “toast” from WordPress.com to congratulate me on my blogging anniversary. Yes, that’s right—I’ve been blogging for 4 years! After all this time, what have I learned? Let’s see: I will never run out of things to say, maybe people will even care, and so what if someone doesn’t like it—4 out of 5 dentists recommend sugar free gum, and 4 out of 5 people will probably get a kick out of my blog. You can’t please everyone.

So what’s my favorite part of posting? It has to be the funny, thoughtful comments that people leave. Here are my favorite posts and comments from the past year.

My Book Is Published

Sure, I said I’d publish my book about a million times before it happened, but hey—I did it after all! My book, Tales From A Hungry Life: A Memoir With Recipes, hit the virtual shelves last December, and the response from my readers was overwhelming. This blog gave me the reach and platform I needed to help make that dream come true, so thank you. Look for the Print edition  coming soon.

Now available on amazon.com

“Congrats Maria! Will d/l when I get a chance. Can’t wait for the movie next! :)”

Comment by George

Ancient Chinese secret, huh?

Ancient Advertising Secrets

Where’s the Beef? Ancient Chinese Secret. Calgon, Take Me Away! These are all anthems to my youth, an innocent time when “Ring Around The Collar” and buying “two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun” were the biggest issues in my life.

“I still think one of the most memorable was the Staples back to school ad when the father is skipping down the aisle with the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” playing and the kids come trailing up behind looking miserable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DComGO8JYo

Loved the ones you had in your article–trip down memory lane!”

Comment by Deborah Hehn Derby

Summer Vacation

Who knew that our one and only family trip, taken in our sweltering Buick Station Wagon, would finally be good for a laugh? Yes, being stuck in a car for hours on end with 9 other people can have its advantages, especially when you get a blog post out of it and 26 comments.

Hot, hot, hot

“That trip has scarred your family for life. It is so hard to get the men in the family to do anything. I guess they have post traumatic stress disorder and are fearful to make any vacation plans. I’ve heard this story several times but not with so much detail. I think you captured it beautifully. Here’s to making more joyful and memorable vacations! It’s up to your family to right the wrongs of the past!”

Comment by Kathleen Lagalante

Actually, I think it’s up to the in-laws (especially if you want to go anywhere).
Comment by talesfromahungrylife

But we all remember our times at home and the Bronx Zoo, the rides in our car to Bayville. Joey throwing up in the car and it turning our stomachs as we drove home in the heat and smell. Great times!!!
Comment by Bglou

Yeah, that was some inconvenience . I mean stuffing 7 kids, two or three adults in a sweaty ’71 Buick station wagon with no air conditioner or power windows I had some nerve puking. You were lucky none of us died of heat exhaustion.
 Comment by Joe

And that wasn’t the time I was referring to. But I did keep the windows open so the hot air could waft through my hair. And don’t ask, “What Hair?”!!!
Comment by BgLou

Yeah, Joey. That was pretty thoughtless of you.
Comment by talesfromahungrylife

11 Cool Summer Movies

The summer days of my youth included no air conditioning and lots of trips to the movies. “Help me, Obi Wan. You’re my only hope!” aren’t just words uttered in the Star Wars series that my children consider “boring” and filled with “terrible” special effects. They are a mantra for life! And of course, who can ever forget the line from Jaws: “We’re going to need a bigger boat…”

Still great.

“We only had an air conditioner in the den and one in my parents bedroom. My mother always used to yell if someone left the den door all the way open. We had to leave it open a little bit just in case the phone rang. If not she would yell,”didn’t you girls hear the phone ring! I was standing outside Waldbaums in this heat calling over and over again!” Oops this is not about mothers yelling, maybe next Wednesday. I remember one hot night sleeping over my cousins and being told that baby powder cools you off when you are trying to sleep. By the way, it doesn’t. It just takes forever to come out of your hair.
Okay an Officer and a Gentleman was my favorite back then and of course Grease. Saw them both about 11 times. I think I just always wanted to be thin enough for a sailor to carry me and wouldn’t it be great to wear spandex pants while he was doing it.

But the top of my list will always be Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Can’t wait for next Wednesday!”

Comment by Suzanne Tavel

Welcome to the New School Year

How many ways can I get Robin Thicke, Miley Cyrus, the VMAs and Blurred Lines into a Standardized Test? Read it and see.

Pure poetry

“Reading this blog brought back memories from hell regarding my older daughter’s twelve years of school. She was always last minute Lil and made it her parents fault for not being prepared. When all else failed she yelled, but I’m a kid and it’s your responsibility to make me do it. Now that she is 25 and in Graduate school she doesn’t say the same words but does blame everyone else for her lack of preparation. Thank God I have a thick skin!”

Comment by Tony Lagalante

How long before I’m on the cover with you?

Author? Yes, Author

To discuss my book in greater detail, I had Oprah “interview” me. It wasn’t as shocking as her interview with Lance Armstrong, but it was pretty good.

“What do you mean you’re not a marketer? Oprah just interviewed you. It doesn’t get bigger than that!”

Comment by lisasafran

This is gonna be fun

Welcome to Catholic Schools Week

Ah, Catholic Schools Week. The activities! The fun! The shared moments! I’d love to go back in time and plan the events for my own Catholic School Week. Did you ever try Nun Pinata or Pin the Tail on the Monsignor? Read on…

“OMG! I had to slap my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing too loud here at work!”

Comment by wordimprovisor177 

Great movie

My Fan Letter to James Garner

The Rockford Files, The Great Escape, Support Your Local Sheriff. How could you not love James Garner?

“Another reason why we’re friends…love, love, love James Garner.”

Comment by doreenmoran

Cheers!

Recipe:

Here are some champagne recipes to help you celebrate your next big event:

http://allrecipes.com/recipes/drinks/cocktails/champagne-drinks/

This one sounds good to me:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Bellini-Meanie-Martini/Detail.aspx?evt19=1

So, Hungry Lifers…what’s your favorite post of mine from the last year? What would you like to have me write about this year? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!

My Fan Letter to James Garner

by Maria Schulz

The other night, as we clicked through 500 channels of absolutely nothing worth watching on television, my husband stopped his channel surfing on a station running The Rockford Files. There was Jimbo, getting punched in the head and then running away from the bad guys.

Greatest. Show. Ever.

“Hey,” my husband said. “Did you ever write James Garner a fan letter?” Um…no. Why would I do that? Sending fan mail always seemed to me to cross some invisible line that changed you from a harmless devotee to a scary stalker. You might say that mentioning him all the time on my blog is a kind of fan letter, and you’d probably be right. However, James Garner hasn’t left any thoughts in the comments section, so no harm, no foul. But let me tell you…it isn’t easy being a James Garner kind of girl in an Andy Gibb kind of world.

Way, way back in the day, James Garner was an icon to me. I would devote entire summers to catching his old movies on late night television, after scouring the TV Guide at my grandmother’s apartment. He was my hero in The Great Escape, Darby’s Rangers and The Americanization of Emily. He made me laugh in Support Your Local Sheriff, Support Your Local Gunfighter, and Victor/Victoria. He made my Friday nights extra special as I watched The Rockford Files alongside my parents and brothers (read all about that in my post, James Garner and Fruit Pie: Perfect Together).

He likes to read too!

As a kid, I didn’t tell everyone I knew about my James Garner fangirl status. Why, you ask? Well, if you wanted to hang out with kids your own age, you couldn’t exactly show off your James Garner lunch box, point out your James Garner pin-up posters, or hug your Jim Rockford notebooks to your heart as you defended him against all challengers to his throne as “the most handsome heartthrob on television.”

Of course, I didn’t have to work hard to convince my mother, grandmothers, or aunts about the merits of James Garner. I knew that they would understand. My mother admired Clark Gabel; my Italian grandmother adored Dean Martin. My Puerto Rican grandmother didn’t state an explicit favorite (at least, not in English), but she never made me turn the channel when James Garner and Mariette Hartley were doing their Polaroid commercials. In fact, she used to laugh really loud and circle The Rockford Files in the TV Guide. That was encouragement enough for me.

The girls my age loved David Cassidy, Davey Jones, Andy Gibb, Bobby Sherman, Sean Cassidy, Vince Van Patten and Mick Jagger (you can read more about them in my post, Pin Up Material). At anytime, you could go to their houses and see their favorite stars’ sultry, pouty mugs peering back at you from their bedroom walls. Meanwhile, being the oddball I was, I had a TV Guide cover of Jim Rockford and Brett Maverick on my wall and newspaper clippings about James Garner in my scrapbook.

Wall-worthy

What was so great about him anyway? Well, of course there were his looks. He was tall, dark and handsome, and in his own way, very wise. Jim Rockford was my hero because instead of seeking out trouble, he liked to run away from it. Self-preservation was his ultimate mission, and I respected that. He seemed to portray someone who just wanted to get in his day’s work and then go fishing. I respected that too.

I want to meet Jim and Rocky

But of course, there was more to it than that. No matter what character J.G. portrayed, there was a genuine, gentle quality shining through. He seemed honest, brave, and loyal; plus he also seemed to have a great sense of humor, which I always thought was more important than the best looks. Although, let’s face it: a little eye candy never hurts. Those were the qualities that he helped me recognize as important, even when I was just a kid and I used to tell my father, “I’m never getting married!” When it was time to find someone with looks, brains, character, and a great sense of humor, I recognized the right one—my husband—thanks to years of admiring someone who embodied all of those traits.

Recently, I read a blog post called “I Kissed James Garner In an Elevator”. http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2007/04/i_kissed_james_/

Remarkably, I did NOT write this post. I really did get a kick out of it though. It made me smile to think there was someone else out there with a crush on Jimbo. It also made me a little bit mad, since it never occurred to me to hang out by any elevators looking for him…and since I like to think of him as “mine” alone.

On April 7, James Garner will celebrate his 86^th birthday, but for me, he’s always about 42 years old, charging $200 a day (plus expenses) for his private detective services, and riding away from the bad guys in his gold Pontiac Firebird. I just want to say: Happy Birthday, Mr. Garner! Thanks for helping me understand the qualities that really matter in a person, and thanks for all the years of entertainment and joy that you brought into my life. I think I’ll celebrate by watching The Great Escape, Murphy’s Romance and The Notebook. Later, I’ll re-read The Garner Files.

And he writes too

James Garner, consider this your birthday fan letter…and by the way, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section.

Recipe: Classic Fish & Chips

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/classic-fish-and-chips/

Yum

Jimmy boy and Rocky loved to go fishing. So here’s a dish that honors them both.

Classic Burger Recipes

http://www.foodnetwork.com/grilling/grilling-central-burgers/best-burger-recipes.html

Because, like these recipes, James Garner is as all-American as you can get.

So, Hungry Lifers: who would you send a fan letter to? Did you ever kiss James Garner in an elevator? What’s your favorite J.G. movie/TV show/Polaroid commercial? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!

It’s A Small World

by Maria Schulz

Have you ever met someone new, and after talking to him or her, realized that you were actually connected in some way?

One of my early experiences with this occurred when I was leafing through the pages of my father’s high school yearbook. Lo and behold, there was a goofy yearbook photo of my favorite High School English teacher!

Upon further investigation, I verified that he had actually gone to high school with my parents. When I told him I found his photo in my father’s yearbook, he laughed.

But when I told him my mother knew him too, he asked me who she was and I gave him her name.

“That’s YOUR mother?” He said, as he whistled. “She was HOT! Boy, you don’t look anything like her.”

Um, yeah. Thanks.

Maybe he had a point

I don’t think I’ve gotten over the psychological scars of that comment yet (my mother…HOT?) I guess the moral of this story is, sometimes it’s better not to know how you’re connected to others.

But seriously, I love the idea that we’re all connected to each other in some way, no matter how abstract. This “small world” concept spawned a movie called Six Degrees of Separation and led one group of college kids to create a game called Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

We’re all connected

The idea behind the game is that every actor in Hollywood is somehow connected to Kevin Bacon. If you google “Bacon #” plus the name of any star, you’ll learn how closely they are connected to him. For instance, did you know: James Garner’s Bacon # is 2? He appeared in The Notebook with Ryan Gosling; Ryan Gosling appeared with Kevin Bacon in Crazy Stupid Love. Therefore, James Garner’s Bacon # is 2.

That’s right. All of us!

Now let’s take this one step further. Whenever I go out and meet new people, I somehow end up finding out that they come from my old neighborhood, or know someone that I know, or went to Catholic School. Why is that, you ask?

I think it’s because there are Six Degrees of Sister Felicity.

My very scientific diagram

For example:

A roofer I hired revealed that he once dated a girl who was best friends with another girl who went to my old school and had Sister Felicity.

His Sister Felicity # is 3

An old H.S. friend once dated a boy who got put on tissue duty for Sister Felicity. That meant he had to pick up her dirty, used tissues from the floor and put them into the garbage.

My H.S. friend’s Sister Felicity # is 2.

I had Sister Felicity. She grabbed me by the back of the neck for passing notes and made me sit in the closet once for leaving out one question on my math homework (there were 50 questions; I got no credit for the other 49 answers).

My Sister Felicity # is 1

Okay, so maybe not everyone in the world is connected by Six Degrees of Sister Felicity. I’ll admit, I do like to poke fun at her. After all, she’s an easy target and her yardstick can’t reach me anymore.

It’s just that some connections were meant to stand the test of time. That’s the category I have Sister Felicity in, as well as the school I attended for a huge chunk of my childhood.

But recently, I got an email from my old grammar school Alumni Association that featured this shocking news flash:

“After 59 years of continuous teaching and 54 graduating classes…[our school] will be closing its doors for good. “

Yes, that’s right: my old school has gone the way of so many other Catholic schools around the country. With dwindling enrollment and skyrocketing tuition bills, it had to merge with another neighborhood’s school to become “The Young Pillars of Sanctimony Academy” or something like that.

WHAT???

My old school is gone? How did that happen? My old school isn’t supposed to EVER disappear. It’s supposed to be there forever, like God and Taxes. And yes, Sister Felicity.

Even though I haven’t walked those halls in over 3 decades, I still remember my days there fondly. Sure, there were the daily stresses of life in Catholic school. You never knew what dangerous snares lay ahead or what you might encounter:

Math tool & potential weapon

• Rolling your eyes at any teacher could result in a yardstick being lodged in the back of your skull
• Dare to enter the premises without a marble notebook, pencil, pen or folder, and risk being sent down to the dreaded place known as “Mrs. Heaphy’s Closet,” where every school supply was sold at a 300% markup
• Passing notes was a crime punishable by death, or at least public shaming (same thing when you’re 12)
• Eating candy that you hid in your bolero while simultaneously not bringing enough to share with everyone was a sin requiring 10 Hail Mary’s, 10 Our Father’s, 5 Glory Be’s, and a very, very convincing Act of Contrition. NOTE TO SELF: bring the whole bag next time
  

  Better yet, bring cake

• Laughing out loud at a joke told by the class clown could result in detention for – that’s right—YOU, while the class clown waved goodbye to you from the street below
• Did someone say, “CANDY DRIVE?” No 6-year-old should think they have to sell
  

  Get your candy bars here

  enough chocolate to keep an entire school running, or feel guilty when their diabetic grandmother turns down their best sales pitch

• Reading something that’s on the Banned Book List should not expose you to a public shaming of operatic proportions (see my post, Summer Reading)
• Hot Dog Day is Mandatory, even if you hate hot dogs and live close enough to walk home and eat a turkey sandwich
• No, Hot Dog Day is NOT a good excuse to slip out the side door and run home because you think no one will ever miss you anyway
• Going up to the roof is NEVER okay (see my post, Super-Juiced ) even if you can see the Twin Towers and The Empire State Building from there
• Comprehending Pre-Algebra is really, really hard, especially when your teacher hits you with a yardstick over the back of your noggin because you got the answer wrong
• The Birds and Bees don’t make much sense, especially when goats are involved (see my post, Puberty Night)
  

  So confused.

• You always met the most interesting people in Catholic School (Sister Felicity, Sister Clara, Sister Margaret, Mrs. McG, your fellow students)

But in all honesty, there were many good things about those growing-up years at our school:

• White smoke came out of the Vatican. You know what that means? We got the day off!
  

  New Pope = No School

• Ditto the following year when the pope came to town for a visit
• Communion Dresses! Veils! Flowers & Shoes for the girls! Suits and ties for the boys! $5 from your grandmother! How cool!
• The Crowning of Mary was a fun time to wear your Communion clothes all over again
• Seeing your friend play the part of The Jolly Green Giant with the exact same intensity as Sir Lawrence Olivier might have if he’d been painted green and directed to say, “HO HO HO”
  

  Ho, Ho, Ho

• Watching your twin brother make everyone laugh when he nailed it in the 7^th grade Speech contest
• Older brothers in almost every grade who were always there to stand up for you and strike fear into the hearts of bullies
• Friends everywhere you looked
• Adults who cared enough about you to set you straight when you went off the rails. Okay, so sometimes they did it a little too enthusiastically, but. Still.
• The cultivation of a very dark sense of humor and a feeling of camaraderie that never went away
• Summer Reading Lists. English major geek that I am, I enjoyed these. I read The Outsiders, That Was Then, This Is Now, and Death Be Not Proud. So maybe those lists were kind of a downer, but I enjoyed them anyway
• Attending school with basically the same 80 people for 8 years, which was the best of times AND the worst of times

When you’re young, you think that everything is forever. I think this was especially true for me because, for 8 solid years, everything was essentially the same.

Singing Kumbaya

I always thought I’d be able to stroll those halls with my grandchildren some day, pointing out the auditorium where we put on plays like “Crispus Attucks and The Boston Massacre” and sang “One Tin Soldier Rides Away” in Folk Group; the gym where the boys pelted us in Dodge Ball or we all danced The Hustle; and the classrooms where I learned to love the written word and fear my math teacher’s yardstick-wielding wrath.

What makes the loss a little easier to bear is the realization that the distance between us is not as great as we imagine. Institutions may cease to exist; times may change; but we all continue to be connected to each other, and that’s a beautiful thing.

Even if it is through Sister Felicity.

Recipe:

I like candy

Nothing strikes fear into my heart in quite the same way as memories of the dreaded Candy Bar Drive. So, in a salute to my old school, here’s a slide show of 11 Homemade Candy Bars – including ones that taste like Snickers, Twix, Almond Joy, Peanut Butter Cups and more.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/27/homemade-candy-bar-recipes_n_1711256.html

Make your Own Candy Bar – Sell it or Eat It, I Don’t Care!

So, Hungry Lifers: what’s the craziest way you ever found out you were connected to someone? Has an old school or club that you once belonged to vanished forever? What’s your favorite candy bar? Leave a comment below and let us all know. Thanks.

Roger Ebert and Me

By Maria Schulz

When Roger Ebert passed away last week, it made me stop and think about the ways that a person that you never even knew can touch your life. Roger and I were not pen pals or phone buddies; I never wrote him fan mail and I certainly never had his picture hanging on my wall or in my locker.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/05/movies/roger-ebert-film-critic-dies.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&

But I did look forward to seeing Siskel and Ebert every week and listening to their “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” reviews. I loved how sarcastic and withering they could be when they hated a film, and how passionate and enthusiastic they could be when they liked something.

I felt sorry when Gene Siskel died in 1999, and wondered if that would be the end of “At the Movies.” But it wasn’t the end. Roger Ebert did the show solo for a bit, and then teamed up with other movie critics and continued doing what he loved. He even got his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2005.

From time to time, I would catch up with Roger Ebert through articles by him or about him. I always looked for his reviews first when there was a movie I wanted to see, since I felt like he would give me something to think about. Of course, I also read about his devastating cancer and how, after literally losing his voice, he found a new one through his blog and social media.

He talked openly about the fact that many people didn’t want to look him in the eye, as if his illness was too frightening for them or like he was no longer a person. He summed it up perfectly by telling Esquire magazine in 2010: “When I am writing, my problems become invisible, and I am the same person I always was. All is well. I am as I should be.”

I found his need to write and create very inspiring. I also thoroughly enjoyed his blog because I could look up any movie and get an unvarnished opinion about what made the movie work and what made it crash and burn. His Twilight reviews were some of the funniest ones I have ever read.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/reviews/the-twilight-saga-new-moon-2009

I guess the thing about Roger Ebert that I remember most was his ability to take something I loved so much and get me to think critically about it. When I was a child, there was nothing I loved more then going to the movies.

By the time I was 12, I was already a veteran bus passenger, and that opened up the world for me. I used to try to go to the movies every week, and I would write the names of the movies on a small journal or notebook that I kept. My goal was to fill up every square inch of space on that notebook with movie titles. I loved talking about the movies I saw and hearing other people’s ideas about them.

Did I really see Hero At Large?

So it was about this time that my parents and I discovered a little show called Sneak Previews on PBS. Two nerdy looking men, one tall and bald, the other short and stout, would sit across from one another in overstuffed chairs and get into arguments about the five movies they were reviewing. Their names: Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert.

Siskel and Ebert At The Movies

My Mom, Dad, and I would sit and laugh most whenever the pair disagreed on the movie. If one of them gave it a “thumbs up” and the other one hotly disagreed, the barbs would start flying. Siskel would call Ebert fat and addled, and Ebert would call Siskel bald and brainless. There was no such thing as political correctness on this show, and these two were hilarious.

I looked forward to running into these two at 7 pm every Saturday night for ages. It was a big thrill when the two of them were reviewing a movie I just saw that day and they felt the same way I did. Even better was when they reviewed a movie that I wanted to see the following week.

Eventually, these two nerdy movie critics became big celebrities, with appearances on The Johnny Carson Show, The David Letterman Show, and every other late night talk show on television. By the mid-80s, their show became Siskel and Ebert At The Movies, and they trademarked “two thumbs up” because it was a hot property.

I loved that these two guys were just brainy writer types in cardigans and turtlenecks who happened to be the hottest commodity around. It gave me hope as a nerd and as a future writer. The result was lots of really terrible reviews written by yours truly. I kept a journal and wrote reviews. My first review was about Lolita with James Mason (loved it) and the next one was about Darby’s Rangers, a so-so movie that starred James Garner.

My first fake review

I never understood (or wanted to understand) most of what Siskel and Ebert were talking about when it came to the technical side of filmmaking. That didn’t interest me at all. To me, movie making was a lot like sausage making. Don’t show me what goes in the sausage. Just let me eat the sausage and enjoy it.

Life was simple and enjoyable. I had my routine, and it included Saturdays at the movies and Saturday nights with Siskel & Ebert. It would have gone on like that forever except for one thing: my parents sent me to spend a few weeks with my grandmother the summer I was 12.

My grandmother and uncle had moved to a new apartment building where they didn’t know anyone. Nonie hated her new apartment. She was lonely and bored. She missed living in the small town where she could walk to the beach or to her Senior Citizen Center. In her new place, she was isolated.

When Uncle Don went away on vacation, my parents thought I could spend some time with her to keep her company and cheer her up. Of course, now that I was old enough to have some independence, I didn’t want to go. I knew my brothers and their friends would have all sorts of adventures while I was gone, and my grandmother and I would be in our pajamas by about 8 pm every night. On some nights, the sun set after we did.

To make everything worse, I was sure I would miss going to the movies. I knew my brothers would go to at least one movie while I was gone, and I wasn’t wrong. Chris called to tell me how they all went to see the latest James Bond flick.

“But don’t feel too bad,” he said. “We had to sit in the first row and crane our necks.”

“I would kill to sit in the first row and crane my neck!” I said, as Chris laughed at me.

I wanted to go see that movie! I had a fake review to write in my journal! Nonie could see that I was disappointed.

“I would take you to the movies, but there’s no movie theater that we can walk to,” she said. Life was difficult now that she didn’t drive anymore. “How about this? Tonight you can watch anything you want on television.”

“Okay,” I grumbled. This was actually a big thing. Sure, I’d still have to suffer through Mike Douglas and Dinah Shore in the afternoon, but later, I could tune in to SOAP instead of Canon.

Shake your hands, snap your fingers, and you too can disappear

Well, that was the game plan, anyway. But every time I put something on, she was appalled. She ended up watching Canon while I read every book on my summer reading list. Later that night while we lay in our twin beds, I tried to turn on “Trilogy of Terror.”

“Do your parents know you watch this junk?” Nonie asked.

“Yes, but they don’t care,” I replied.

“Well, I care,” she replied. “Turn it off. You’ll have nightmares.”

Isn’t he charming?

Twelve is a tough age for everyone; my grandmother approached me like I was an alien that resembled her granddaughter; I approached her like everything she did bored me.

When a new Burger King opened up a block away, she was delighted. We trudged over there at 7:00 every morning for the two weeks I was there. I stood there turning fifty shades of red while she ordered.

“Hi there kiddo,” She said to the hapless counter girl. “How are you today? I’m going to give you a very long order, but I know you’ll get it right. Like the commercial says, special orders don’t upset us!”

My grandmother took a breath while the counter girl set her mouth in a grim line. “What can I get you, ma’am?” she said.

“Well, sweetie, I want the egg sandwich, but I want my bread unbuttered. Also, no salt. Do you use powdered eggs? I hate powdered eggs; I don’t like runny eggs either. Make sure they’re not dry OR runny. Also I want my coffee with Sweet & Low. Do you have Sweet & Low? I like bananas with my breakfast. Do you have bananas? Do you have any other fruit? I need fruit. What kind of fruit do you have?”

Of course, there was nothing wrong with being very specific about what you wanted, but the idea that someone would think my grandmother (and by extension, I) was annoying was reason enough to die of embarrassment.

The whole visit went like this. My grandmother kept farmer’s hours, and since we were sharing a bedroom, I was up when she was up. That means that when I wanted to watch a movie on the late show, I couldn’t. And when she wanted to run to Burger King at 6 am, it was all I could do to keep her from dragging me there until 7 am.

I was getting the feeling that we really didn’t like each other anymore or have anything in common. That is, until Saturday night, when Sneak Previews came on.

“You want to watch this show with me?” I asked my grandmother.

“Sure! I love that show.”

Sssh. The show’s starting.

So we sat together and watched Siskel and Ebert skewer the movies and each other. When the show was over, my grandmother told me all about the movies she loved.

“The last movie I ever saw with your grandfather was Dr. Zhivago,” she said. “It was so romantic! We loved it. I really miss him.”

“I do too,” I replied.

“When we were young, your grandfather and I used to go to Coney Island. We had so much fun there! We would take photos in the photo booth and walk up and down the boardwalk. Sometimes we would take in a movie. I loved going to the movies!”

Yes, they were young once

We talked and talked about all of our favorite movies. My grandmother stopped looking at me like a slug that liked to sleep past 7 am since she saw I financed all of my movie trips with babysitting money. I stopped looking at her like an old lady who didn’t know how to have fun. I actually began looking forward to seeing my grandmother and spending time with her again.

The years passed. Siskel and Ebert reviewed a movie called Cocoon, and my grandmother called to ask me if I could take her.

“It’s about old people and it got two thumbs up. Can you take me to see it?” my grandmother said.

“Sure!” I replied. Since I had my license by that time, I drove out to her house and picked her up.

Fun for young and old

As fate would have it, my grandmother moved back to the same apartment she’d shared with my grandfather after she ran into her old landlady in town. It turned out that the landlady wanted my grandmother and uncle back. It took about 2 seconds for my grandmother to say yes.

My grandmother went on to become president of her Senior Citizens Club, got a babysitting job and started taking trips to Atlantic City. She was so busy that seeing her at all was a treat.

She enjoyed a Tab with lemon and only a ¼ cup of ice (I didn’t mind when she gave the counter girl specific instructions) while I munched on popcorn. Then we settled in and watched the movie about old people that Siskel and Ebert enjoyed.

That was a long time ago. I haven’t been to the movies with my grandmother in more than two decades. I guess I have Siskel & Ebert to thank for making my grandmother and me friends again—and for entertaining us both for all of those years.

Now that Roger Ebert has joined his friend, Gene Siskel, in that great theater in the sky, I hope that they’re reviewing some fantastic old movies. And I hope my grandmother and grandfather get to see Dr. Zhivago together again.

Recipe

Heavenly

A reporter once asked Roger Ebert which movie he thought played in Heaven, and what kind of food would he eat there? He said that in his Heaven, Citizen Kane is always playing and you can eat as much Vanilla Hagen Daz ice cream as you like. Ask me the same question and I’d say that The Great Escape would be playing and I’d have a bowl of Chunky Monkey. Here are two recipes for all of you to make your own ice cream and enjoy while watching your favorite flick:

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/blueberry-cheesecake-ice-cream

http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Caramel-Fudge-Sundaes

No ice cream maker? No problem:

http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/How-To-Cook/How-to-Make-Ice-Cream-Without-an-Ice-Cream-Maker

So, Hungry Lifers: did you like Siskel & Ebert? What’s your favorite movie? Which movie do you think plays in heaven—and what kind of ice cream would you eat there? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!

My Bucket List

By Maria Schulz

According to the Mayan calendar, the world is going to end in approximately 3 months, on December 21, 2012. This is a real bummer because, knowing me, I will have just finished buying all of my Christmas presents and maybe even wrapped them. But on the bright side, I won’t have to pay any of the bills.

If they did predict this (and it’s not just some mistaken translation), what I want to know is: how come the Mayans saw the end of life as we know it hundreds of years in advance, but didn’t see the European invasion and extermination of their own people in their immediate future?

Whatever the case may be, just in case time is running out, I figure I’d better get to writing my bucket list and maybe even acting on it. Of course, my list is not going to be about climbing Mount Everest (I don’t WANT to die), or jumping out of an airplane with a parachute (again, see not wanting to die, above). My plans are a creative interpretation of the phrase “Bucket List.” So here goes.

My Top Twelve Bucket List Items

1. I would like to hire a personal chef. I think I can swing the payments for 3 months. They must be classically trained from some fancy pants place in France or even upstate New York. I’m not really fussy. Maybe they can also make White Castle Runs for me when I get tired of eating all those French dishes whose names I can’t pronounce.

Worth the trip.

After I get tired of French food, I will hire myself a classically trained Italian chef. By that I mean a little woman who is about 80, stands around 4 feet tall, and looks like my grandmother. She knows how to can tomatoes (which will come from her yard; I didn’t plant any) and make spaghetti sauce from fresh ingredients. She will also bring me figs from her tree. I can probably keep her and the French chef, since the little old lady may be related to me, won’t accept a penny, and will finally teach me how to make manicotti from scratch.

2. Hire a personal trainer. Yes, I know this sounds counter-intuitive since we will all be dying. But on the slight chance that I survive the coming Armageddon, I want to finally be able to run more than 5 feet.

SPIN!

Those 98 pound models who are 12 feet tall won’t last a week trying to run away from their fellow predators on those high heel shoes they wear. I, on the other hand, will be able to last awhile thanks to my increased VO2 output, running sneakers and extra padding.

3. Start my own talk show. Since I won’t have much money left due to the personal chef and personal trainer salaries, my production values may be minimal. Think “Wayne’s World” as opposed to “Oprah.”

Party on, Garth

My guests will be local folks who I think will generate big ratings. I’m going to see if Sister Felicity is free. I know at least 100 people who would like to ask her a few pointed questions. I will wear body armor and pat her down for yardsticks prior to the show.

I won’t have a live audience but I may enlist my kids to use their “audience sounds remote” toy from when they watched iCarly. When I ask “do you really think it was right to put a child upside down in the garbage pail because he threw away the donut you gave him?” I definitely want a chorus of boos to rain down on her, no matter what her response may be.

I guarantee a ratings sweep that week, even if Katie Couric does have that 50 Shades of Grey author on her new talk show.

4. I’m going to bring lots of great reading with me. Since my Kindle won’t help me then, I need to have actual books. I plan on taking Arrowsmith, Pride & Prejudice, Pride, Prejudice & Zombies, and maybe the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. I think I’ll even read a few books that have been sitting on my shelf for years but I just never got to. That Keith Moon memoir, Life, leaps to mind.

Yes, of course water, food and flashlights will be important, but I don’t want to end up like Burgess Meredith on The Twilight Zone.

Hold onto those glasses

Remember him? The world ended due to an atomic bomb, but he was spared because he was underground in the library reading. He was delighted to have all the time in the world to read, so what happens? He trips and breaks his only pair of glasses. As my daughter would say, “burn.”

5. In that vein, I plan to bring lots of writing implements with me. I will finally have the time to complete my book, and it will be a guaranteed best seller. Of course that’s because I will be the only person alive, but that one copy sold will send it right to the top of the Best Seller list. I just have to remember to bring money. Oh yeah, and an extra pair of glasses.

6. I’m going to brush up on my “how to survive under impossible odds” movies to get some tips. I will watch The Terminator again so I can see how Sarah Connor goes from timid, doughy nincompoop to brazen, buff brainiac who gives that robot assassin “what for.”

Likewise, I’m going to finally watch “Cape Fear” so I can get a better idea of how a predator’s mind works. I tried to watch it about 22 years ago with my best friend Lisa. But somewhere around the time when Robert De Niro’s character starts beating up his gal pal, I passed right out.

I’m told that just as I went down, Lisa’s husband called.

“Maria passed out!” Lisa yelled into the phone.

“Give her some smelling salts!” Craig said. “Get her something to drink when she wakes up!”

In case of emergency, reach for milk shakes

Lisa hung up the phone and when I came to, she handed me a milk shake.

Now that’s my kind of medical intervention.

7. I would like to get a conference room full of people from my past, and tell them what I really think of them. Think “Liar, Liar” and Jim Carrey, and you kind of have an idea of what I’m talking about.

So here’s what I really think….

It won’t matter if I burn all my bridges down, because come December 22, there won’t be any bridges left. Of course, if the Mayans were wrong, there will be a room full of ex-friends, ex-co-workers and ex-teachers that will no longer think fondly of me.

Still, it’s a chance I’m willing to take.

8. I’m going to run through my house cutting off all those tags that say: “WARNING: IT IS UNLAWFUL TO CUT THIS TAG OFF.”

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized the tag also says, UNLESS BY CONSUMER. I thought it really was against the law, so all of my pillows had tags on them.

Perhaps you don’t think this item is worthy of a bucket list, but I have a lot of pillows…and those tags are scratchy.

9. I am going to team up with my friend and constant commenter, Suzanne, to create a trail blazing sitcom. It will be like Freaks and Geeks meets Square Pegs. Remember those two shows?

Freaks and Geeks was this hilarious show about teens that went to high school in 1980. Some of the kids are burnouts and losers (Freaks) and some of the kids are dorks who wear bad clothes and have rubber bands on their eyeglasses (Geeks). There’s a really cool soundtrack to the show and all of the characters dress like I did (lots of flannel shirts over black tee-shirts and jeans) and get into stupid scrapes like I did (although I never got shoved into a locker; our lockers weren’t big enough).

Square Pegs was this funny, edgy show about teenage girls who were trying hard to fit into their new school. One of the girls was a very young Sarah Jessica Parker. Remarkably, she was uncool and had no idea how to fit in with the popular kids. Her best friend, Lauren, was overweight and wore braces, but her greatest desire was to be accepted by the popular crowd.

Of course that never happened, because they are both Square Pegs. Their theme song was played by The Waitresses, who even appeared on their Christmas special and sang “Christmas Wrapping” while posing as a band at their Christmas dance.

I especially loved Jamie Gertz as Muffy Tupperman, the eternal organizer who is so square and oblivious that she doesn’t realize she will never be popular. She cracked me up! I must’ve been the only one laughing, because the show lasted for just 1 year. Despite the cool music, funny plotlines and big guest appearances (Bill Murray, Devo, and the original dad from Leave it to Beaver), the show never took off.

Fortunately, I have a plan to make the high school angst plotline really last this time. I’m thinking of changing it to a GED program. That way the characters can grow older and older but it won’t matter.

Have you ever watched GLEE? How the heck am I supposed to believe that those “kids” are in the 10^th grade? Some of them look like they’ll be collecting Social Security checks soon.

I might even cast some of the local kids in the major parts. And yes, Dad, you can play the drama teacher in our fictional high school.

I’ll make sure to get my cast booked on a local talk show to create buzz. See #3, above.

10. I want to be a member of the Paparazzi. No, I don’t want to hound someone to death the way the press ran after Princess Diana. But I would like to have a microphone and run up to certain celebrities and ask tough questions. For instance:

Happier times

Me: KRISTIN! KRISTIN! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ROBERT PATTINSON LIKE THAT? AND AFTER HE SAVED YOUR LIFE AND MADE YOU A VAMPIRE AND EVERYTHING!

Kristin Stewart: Idiot! I’m not a vampire for real! Stop bothering me! MYOB!

Me: HOW COME YOU CHEATED WITH THAT OLD GUY? IS HE A WEREWOLF?

Kristin: Who let you in here? You’re holding a banana instead of a microphone.

Me: I HAVE TO WORK WITH WHAT I’VE GOT. I USED ALL MY MONEY ON A PERSONAL CHEF AND A PERSONAL TRAINER.

Kristin Stewart: Get lost, weirdo! And stop screaming at me.

Okay, so maybe the paparazzi idea won’t work out so well. But I have to do something once I’m done ripping all those tags off my pillows.

11. I want to create a time machine so I can meet famous people who touched my life. I would like to go back to Ancient Greece so I could be Socrates’ student and learn great universal truths from him. Then, I’d zoom off to Galilee to be one of the disciples who followed Jesus around. Perhaps I’d even go back to the Globe Theater to meet Shakespeare so he could cast me in 12^th Night. Or—hold your breath here—I could audition for James Garner and get to play the prostitute with the heart of gold on The Rockford Files (I would SO beat out Rita Moreno for that part). He’d have to kiss me and everything!!!

I want to meet Jim and Rocky

Oh yeah, and maybe I could even figure out a way to feed starving children, teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, and avert the coming apocalypse. But not until after I meet Jimbo.

12. I would start my own “little people’s” basketball league. For the three or four of you who actually read the comments on my blog posts, you might have noticed that my brother Chris brought up my “little people’s” basketball league idea on my post, Super-Juiced. Let me explain.

She shoots, she scores!

When I was young, all the boys I knew towered over me. I always wanted to play basketball but was never chosen for any teams because:

a) I have no talent

b) I’m very slow

c) It’s quite possible that I’m a midget

So, like any tortured, creative, and slightly insane person might do, I concocted a plan wherein I could be the star center of a basketball league. It would be a “little person” league.

The only height requirement would be that you couldn’t be taller than 5’4”, thus ensuring that I was allowed to be a center. I would be the Shaquille O’Neill of the Little People’s Basketball League (The LPBL)! People would cheer for me the world over!

We could even start our own version of the Harlem Globetrotters. Our show would be called The Bayside Puddlejumpers, and we’d do fun tricks that included me putting one of the (very, very) little folks on my shoulders and having them dunk the ball.

I had great visions of this being a hit, since I was pretty sure that small people all over the world were tired of sitting by the curb watching everyone else play basketball when they couldn’t.

Unfortunately, when I shared this great vision with others, they barreled over laughing and told me I was “an idiot.” Which I’m pretty sure just means I’m a visionary, but the people I shared my ideas with aren’t the types to praise or compliment me. But that’s okay. I know what they really mean.

Now that the end is near, I need to revive my hoop dreams.

Recipe:

Apocalypse 3 Months From Now Pumpkin Soup

So good.

Okay, this isn’t really an apocalyptic soup recipe, just one I found in Fitness Magazine. I have made it and it’s the BOMB (sorry, more end of the world humor). Anyway, it’s great for the Fall months when it starts to get colder and you crave something delicious.

Ingredients:

1 (29 oz) can pumpkin

3-½ cups low-sodium chicken broth

1-cup applesauce

2 teaspoons ground ginger

2 slices chopped bacon

1 chopped onion

Salt & Pepper to taste

½ cup light Sour Cream

Sauté bacon and onion; drain fat. Add pumpkin, chicken broth, applesauce and ginger. Season with salt and pepper to taste; bring to boil. Simmer, covered, 5-10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add dollop of sour cream and enjoy.

So, Hungry Lifers…what items would you put on your Bucket List? Wouldn’t you love to see my interview with Sister Felicity AND Kristin Stewart? What book would you bring with you to pass the time post-Armageddon? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!