Notes From The Pandemic

Maria Schulz

Are You Taking Notes Too? (Photo by Negative Space on Pexels.com)

March 4, 2020

The talk here at the office is that we may be allowed to work from home in the next week or so. There are a bunch of cases of the coronavirus in NYC and we will have to work from home in order to stay safe.

I think I’ll like working from home.

March 12, 2020

Today, I started working from home. I’m set up in the kitchen. I can look out the window here (there is no window by my desk at work) and see the birds and the trees. There is so much beauty to enjoy! I’m happy to be home and safe.

They say we will be back in the office on Monday after the offices are cleaned.

So Much Beauty To See!

March 13, 2020

Just checked email…seems we are going to be working from home for at least the next few weeks. What a relief.

Cases of COVID are exploding now and many people are dying. New York is in for a long, tough siege.

Meanwhile, Spring is just beginning. I love watching the birds and squirrels in the backyard. It’s great having a window to look out of all day long. I feel very blessed.

March 19, 2020

Working from home is so much more productive! I get a lot done and love sitting at my kitchen table. Husband and daughters are also working from home and taking online classes. It’s so great to be together every day!

I’m also reading a lot in my spare time. I’m reading classics and suspense books at a furious clip! Also writing more.

Yes, I still have my copy!

March 25, 2020

Husband has been complaining that his hair is getting too long. Wants one of the girls or me to cut his hair. I don’t know what I’m doing but how hard could it be? There’s no sense waiting for the barber when one of us can cut his hair for him.

(Photo by Caleb Oquendo on Pexels.com)

March 29, 2020

Hubby couldn’t take it anymore. Took out the razor and scissors and asked me to cut his hair. I would’ve asked the girls but they were smart and hid in their rooms. I’m trying to talk myself into it. What’s the worst that can happen? I’ll do it and I can add it to the list of things I now know how to do.

March 30, 2020

Well, that was a disaster. Hubby is happy with his hair cut, but I guess it’s good he can’t see the back of his head because I gave him two bald spots. I just hope he doesn’t use the mirror in the bathroom to check it. The girls keep laughing whenever he walks by. This morning, I woke up in a panic. WHAT IF IT DOESN’T GROW BACK????

Not Actually My Husband And Therefore, Not My Fault. (Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com)

April 1, 2020

Husband got curious and used the mirror in the bathroom to look at the back of his head. He knows about the bald spots. He’s being a very good sport about it, but I suspect he is not happy. He has asked me to let him cut my hair. Um…no thank you.

April 4, 2020

Almost out of food. Older daughter has begun going to the supermarket and getting supplies. Alternately uses online shopping to get groceries. Younger daughter takes dog out for play time and long walks. Hubby and I are working hard. Having everyone home has really been a blessing.

Zucchini Noodles and Meatballs

Our cooking has become more creative as we face meat shortages and can’t find certain produce items. I think of my mom a lot because she was a master at making food stretch. She had nine people to worry about – I only have 4!

April 12, 2020

Happy Easter! Can’t do a big family get together, so we ironed the tablecloth and put out the good dishes for ourselves. We were able to find a ham, so we cooked that along with potatoes and vegetables. I even baked a cake and we decorated it.

We were done eating in 20 minutes. It’s just not the same.

We Did Enjoy The Cake Though

April 15, 2020

My hair is a disaster. Husband has offered to dye it for me, but I fear he’ll make me look like Ozzie Osbourne by the time we’re finished. (True love or revenge? Not sure).

I did find a box of hair dye in my usual color in the bathroom. I think I’ll do it while he naps. Gonna go for it!

Not me. (Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com)

April 16, 2020

Luckily, the dye wasn’t so old that it made my hair fall out or turn pitch black. It’s a nice medium brown color so I don’t look like Dumbledore any more. Husband says that what I need now is a hair cut. He claims to have watched a video on how to cut a woman’s hair and once again offered to cut mine. Still, NO.

Older daughter went outside to enjoy this beautiful sunny day and she saw a hawk swoop down and pluck a baby squirrel from a tree. MOTHER NATURE IS A CRUEL BITCH. Nature is so overrated!

A Warning To Squirrels Everywhere. (Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com)

April 21, 2020

Today we had black skies AND HAIL! The winds were shrieking, the thunder was booming, and great flashes of lightning zigzagged across the sky.

WHAT’S NEXT? LOCUSTS???

Work has been crazy and stressful. I miss my coworkers!

Here at home, we are together EVERY SINGLE DAY. It’s impossible to have five minutes alone!

Hello, Locusts! (Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels.com)

I don’t want to cook or bake again. Not today, maybe not ever.

Older daughter is still traumatized about the hawk incident.

Younger daughter feels traumatized by being stuck with us.

Hubby should have been traumatized by my hair styling skills, but his hair has grown back and he says it’s time for another hair cut.

WHY DOES HIS HAIR GROW BACK SO FAST?

Oh well, I’ve got some extra time on my hands. What could possibly go wrong?

Recipe:

The Best Bolognese Sauce

So Easy and Delicious!

We needed to make a pound of ground beef stretch to feed the four of us and we didn’t want burgers, so we made this Bolognese sauce and put it over spaghetti. It was delicious! Easy to make, and the whole house smelled great. Try it!

So, Hungry Lifers, what “notes” from the pandemic would you send? What funny or crazy things have happened to you in the pandemic era? Please leave a comment below and let us all know. Thanks! Stay well and be safe.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Maria Schulz

As a native New Yorker, sarcasm and pessimism come as naturally to me as breathing. Now, as a native New Yorker in the midst of a pandemic, it’s even harder to be optimistic some days. I worry about my family and friends, and grieve for those lost to the virus.

It’s not always easy to stay positive in the current climate, and with a nod to Eric Idle’s song in Monty Python’s “The Life of Brian,” I set out on a quest for some good news and the bright side of the current situation.

Find the beauty all around us. (Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com)

Along the way,  I read an article in The Washington Post about “Positive Things”. It inspired me to search for – and actually see – the beauty that still exists in the world around us. Here are some things I’ve noticed and some things I’ve tried.

Connecting With People Is Still Possible

In the age of social distancing, being friendly is more of a challenge, but not impossible. I smile and wave (from a socially distant place) to my neighbors, yell across the street to others about how big their kids are getting, thank my mail man from the window and wave/get a big wave back from the sanitation workers while I walk my dog. A big smile and a friendly wave does the heart good. Try it!

Dog Therapy with my good dog.

Playing Isn’t Just For Kids

Pre-pandemic, I often felt sorry for my young dog because I thought she might like to be with a family that had small kids who would play with her. But now that I’m around with time to spare, I am running and playing like a kid again. I suggest Dog Therapy as the perfect remedy for worried adults everywhere. Cat Therapy works too, if the cat allows it.

Productivity Is Overrated

Move over, Marie Kondo. This Maria is here to tell you that cleaning out closets and throwing away things is a drag. If that actually brings you joy, then by all means, go to it. But for me, I get no joy whatsoever in watching the sun rise and set while I clean out a drawer. I’d rather be outside playing with the dog or looking at photos of a pink Super Moon. For those of us who are productivity-challenged in that area of life, don’t worry. You’re not a monster. Now go do something that makes you happy.

Treat Yourself

Use that bath bomb you got for Christmas, bake cookies, or read a classic book. Use your kids’ arts and crafts to paint a mug or make pipe cleaner flowers. Drive to the beach and take photos of a sunrise. Figure out how to prank your brother from afar. Do whatever your creativity tells you is rewarding and fun, and don’t let your inner critic keep you from doing it. Honestly, your inner critic is a jerk. Tell him/her to shut up!

Call Someone You Love

Or FaceTime them if you prefer. I used to call my father, brothers, or friends when I was commuting to or from work. But since I’m working from home, I carve out time from lunch or before/after work and I call and chat. We laugh, share stories, and are reenergized. Give it a try.

Write a Letter to Someone Special

One of my oldest friends recently sent me a long letter and I was delighted! It’s so much fun to get a letter in the mail that doesn’t have PAYMENT DUE stamped on it. I could hear her voice in my head as I read each page. I’m busy writing her back, and I hope she enjoys my letter half as much as I enjoyed hers. Maybe surprise an old friend with a letter and make their day.

Enjoy Dinner With Your Family

We are all together again, and we actually have nowhere to go afterwards. The result is that we spend less time rushing through dinner and cleaning up, and more time talking to each other and eating a leisurely meal. Win/win.

Notice the Beauty All Around You

One of the things I’m enjoying most is watching the flowers and trees bloom. It’s a hopeful sign and one that I’ve often missed in the past. The birds are singing, the squirrels are running everywhere, and the bunnies are back. It makes me want to stop and take photos each time I’m out walking the dog.

 

Recipe:

Sicilian Roasted Chicken

This is a really delicious chicken dish.  My family loves it, and I love it because it’s so easy. The only things I added were Italian seasoning and Onion powder to the spice mix, and after it baked for about 20 minutes and the skin started to get crispy, I took the pan out and added chicken broth so the chicken didn’t dry out. I popped it back into the oven to cook for another 40 minutes. So good!

So, Hungry Lifers, what have you done lately to stay positive? Please leave a comment below and let us all know. Thanks!

Go Wash Your Hands

Maria Schulz

Photo by Polina Tankilevitch on Pexels.com

Hello everybody!

Sorry I’ve gone MIA for the past couple of years. Life gets in the way sometimes, and then other times, you get stuck indoors for an indeterminate period of time  (I’m talking about a pandemic, not an incarceration) and you feel like blogging again!

Thankfully, my family and I are happy, healthy, and safe. We wash our hands A LOT and try not to touch our faces. The skin on our hands resembles catcher’s mitts. Despite all of this, I do realize we are very blessed and I am grateful for that.

Still, there’s a lot of stuff I took for granted pre-pandemic that I really miss. Here are some of the things I could really use right about now:

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

Random Human Contact

My immediate family and I are hunkered down in our own home and we have enough to get through this uncertain time. We are social distancing and staying out of stores – and away from people outside of our little tribe – as much as possible to stay healthy.

Since I am an introvert, I never, ever thought I would miss social interaction with random strangers. I am not an extrovert by any means, although those with a more severe case of introversion would probably scoff and call me a closet extrovert.

I didn’t realize how much of my day is spent chatting with people at work (now that I work exclusively at home), making amusing chit chat with the neighbors, or having polite conversations with new people at the dog run or the local park.

Photo by mentatdgt on Pexels.com

Suddenly, the only humans I see are…nobody. Or they are people who will not get within 20 feet of me. I never knew I would miss that kind of contact, but this has been an enlightening time. You mean I LIKE PEOPLE? Fascinating.

Book Club

English major nerd that I am, I belong to two book clubs.

My first book club is filled with wonderful PARP (Parents Are Reading Partners) moms, or I should say, ex-PARP moms (our kids are all way past having us as reading partners). Ten years later, this book club still lives and breathes, and we have never looked back.

We started meeting at each other’s houses, then moved our get-togethers to a local Panera’s. We eat, and laugh, and share stories about each other’s kids and families….and eventually talk about the book some of us have read.

Thanks to this wonderful group of women, I have come across some of incredible reads, including Molokai (which I’ve recommended in other blogs), The Swans of Fifth Avenue, The Bell Jar, The Nightingale, and The Book Thief.

These experiences have been so good that I wanted to share them with other people I love. So, my nephew and I decided to create our own family book club. We take turns meeting in each other’s houses, where we eat, laugh, and eventually discuss the books we’re reading, including Where The Crawdads Sing, The Wives, The Guest Book, Supermarket, Caught, The Woman in the Window, and The Silent Patient.

Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com

Of course, both of my book clubs can’t meet now, or for the foreseeable future. I guess we could meet virtually to discuss these books in detail. Who knows? At this point, anything is possible.

Leisurely Strolls Through Big Box Stores

Yes, there was a time in the not-so-distant past that I would go for a stroll through Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, or Petco, shopping for clothes, food, or soap in a leisurely fashion.

Now, the only time I head out to the stores is when we’re low on food, cleaning supplies, or toilet paper. The last time I went out, I wore a scarf over my face, ran through the aisles in search of toilet paper, got a hot tip from a store associate who told me to be at the warehouse door the next morning at 9 am. I ran back out to my car empty handed but pumped and ready for my morning meet-up.

Yes, these are interesting times.

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Dress Codes

The first few days I worked from home, I dressed like I was going into work. I wore blouses, slacks and jewelry. I put on my makeup and brushed my hair. I lived in fear of video conferences that would “out” me as a slacker.

On Day 2, I realized that I could turn off the camera, and since that time, I have been so busy that…let’s say, certain dress code rules and regulations have been relaxed.

While I don’t exactly look like I sleep outdoors or was raised by wolves, I now understand why teenagers wear pajamas and Birkenstocks all day long.

I’m outta here

The Barber/Hairdresser

For all you folks who think you’re low key in the upkeep department, I’m wondering: how does your hair look lately? I, for one, look like I just came out of a 20 year long sleep and go by the name of either Rip Van Winkle or Dumbledore.

I underestimated my love affair with hair dye, and for that, let me just say: I MISS YOU! YOU COMPLETE ME! COME BACK TO ME! WE BELONG TOGETHER!

My Sunny Optimistic Streak

Has anyone seen it? I could really use it right now. I promise I’ll find it in time for next Wednesday’s blog post!

Recipe:

50 Things to Make with Pasta Sauce

If you’re running out of things to make for dinner, here are 50 recipes you can use to create something delicious from a pantry staple – a jar of tomato sauce! My favorite is Eggs in Purgatory!

So, Hungry Lifers…what do you miss most these days? What new things have you found that have delighted or surprised you? Please leave a comment below and let us all know.

Stay healthy and safe! Now go wash your hands. 🙂

The Best and Worst Halloween Candy

By Maria Schulz

I ventured outside my cubicle the other day and saw that my old nemesis had returned to haunt me. No, I’m not talking about one of my coworkers. I’m talking about this guy.

Come to me…

Do you remember him? I’ve written about him before because someone in my office takes him out every year about this time and fills him with things I can’t resist: Snickers, Almond Joy, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Three Musketeers, and 100 Grand Bars.

I can’t resist either

I was hoping to research all that candy and get permission to indulge my raging sweet tooth, but instead I found this article that ranks the 52 Best and Worst Halloween Candy.

When you feel like a nut.

When I was little, I didn’t worry about eating candy. I simply spent weeks dreaming about getting as much as humanly possible. First. I would spend weeks thinking about what costume I’d wear, assembling the ensemble, and getting every detail just right. Whether I was Snow White (hot plastic mask and all) or Raggedy Ann with red yarn hair, my costume had to be thought out and ready for my big day.

Well, that was the way until I was about 9 and I decided that being a gypsy or bum was the easiest and fastest way to get out the door and begin my quest for more candy than one human could carry in a brown paper bag.

Back then, I was guaranteed to walk around the neighborhood for a couple of hours. I didn’t worry about having to burn off all the calories because I knew I’d bring that bag of candy home and six big, hungry boys would eat 95% of it within hours of my arrival.

I miss those days. Now, if I bring home two tons of candy, there’s a good chance that my little family and I will eat more than is good for a small village. So I try to keep the candy out of my house until the very last minute, and then give away big handfuls to anyone who comes to my doorstep. Yes, even the mailman gets Kit Kats and 100 Grand Bars so I don’t eat them myself.

Did someone say CANDY?

The fact that Smilin’ Jack is right outside my office door makes it harder for me to stay on the straight and narrow, but I’ve learned something along the way of this “eating right” journey. Deprivation is the mother of all food binges. If I want one tiny candy bar, I have it. That way, I can stop thinking about it. I don’t let that pumpkin scare me anymore. I save my energy for the truly scary things in life.

Now that’s scary

Once I’ve satisfied my craving,  I watch all the people sticking their grubby hands into that pumpkin and I realize…maybe I’m not so hungry after all.

Recipes: Healthy Halloween Ideas

Here are some really fun, healthier treats that you can whip up for your kids (or keep ’em for yourself…I won’t tell). You’ll find recipes for Monster Sandwiches, Frozen Banana Mummies, Goblin Potion, and more.

So, Hungry Lifers: what’s your favorite Halloween candy? How do you avoid eating too much of those little candy bars? What’s your best Halloween recipe? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!

 

 

Happy 6th Anniversary to Me

by Maria Schulz

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but my blog and I are celebrating 6 years together.

When I wrote my very first blog, I had the paralyzing fear that my words would be read by NOBODY. Or, even worse yet…EVERYBODY. I wasn’t sure anyone would be the least bit interested in what I had to say, but I hit “publish” anyway. You know what? Nobody didn’t show. Neither did Everybody. But Somebody came regularly.

Once I wrote that first blog post, the words just came tumbling out. I found that it was a thrill writing something that people actually read and commented on. Some comments I could live without, but most comments showed that I was not, in fact, shouting down a big black well. I spoke, and someone heard me. How cool is that?

You like me! You really like me!

Over the last six years, I’ve covered a wide range of topics that let me talk about everything from the sweet and sentimental to the serious and zany. These include:

My Book Reading

Extra! Extra! Read all about it

What I Learned in Catholic School

Cartoons

What it takes to live 100+ years

Multiple Choice Tests for Parents

James Garner

What a smile

My grandmother’s house and eggs in a basket 

Must-Read Books

Marriage

The Dead Celeb Blog

The Trouble With Girls

You’ve got to laugh

My book: Tales From a Hungry Life: A Memoir with Recipes

Now available on amazon.com

In some ways, my blog has been like a partner in a long-term relationship. There were the early days, when I just couldn’t wait to see it again. There was a rush whenever I sat down to write, because everything was new and there was so much to learn about each other.

Bloggie and I saw each other as much as we could. Sometimes, I couldn’t wait to post again. There would be two posts in a week! Eight posts in a month! There could never be enough time spent in each other’s company.

At last

Now, six years later, things have changed. Oh, I still love my blog…but if I post once every six weeks, that’s okay too. The early rush I had from sitting down and posting something has faded. I think my blog senses it too.

So, now that I’m in my sixth year…and the seven-year-itch is just one anniversary away…I’m rededicating myself to my blog. For awhile, I would post every Wednesday like a religion. But life, work, and sheer exhaustion took over.

Too tired to blog

There have been times that I also wondered if anyone would really care if this blog just stopped showing up. Who needs to know what I think of marriage? Holidays? School tests? Crazy kids? Scary movies? Books? Bike riding? James Garner? (but that’s just silly. Who doesn’t want to hear about James Garner?)

Awwww…Jimmy

I’m not going to renew my vows with my blog. That would be so Hollywood, and besides, every celebrity couple that does that ends up divorced within a year. No, instead, I’ll make a promise to myself to write more, read more, and build up my blogging relationship again. It’s one that’s made me happy over the years, and I still think it’s worth the effort.

Besides, it’s gotten me in touch with so many wonderful people. Old friends and new friends, people just passing by and others in it for the long haul. I’m grateful to all of you, and hope that my blog and I can keep making your days a little bit more amusing in the years to come.

In the meantime…does anyone have any ideas for what I can write about next week?

Recipe:

7 Days of Super Healthy Dinners

Besides trying to write my blog, create new chapters for Book #2, work a full-time job, exercise, be a parent and spouse, and strive for world peace, I’ve set out to eat better. These 7 meals seem like a good addition to my routine, which is already starting to get old. There are just so many ways you can eat greens before you go stark raving mad and head screaming out the door to White Castle for a sack o’20 murder burgers, a big thick chocolate shake, onion rings, and enough French fries to choke a horse.

You like me! You really like me!

So, Hungry Lifers…what are your suggestions for keeping the passion alive in your hobbies? Do you have any ideas for future blog posts you’d like me to tackle? No, really…any ideas? Please leave a comment and let us all know. My blog and I thank you!

March is Read-Aloud Month

by Maria Schulz

These days, families are stretched thin because we’re all very busy and very stressed. Do you exercise 3 or more times a week like you should? (Not always). Do you eat home cooked meals instead of fast food (I try). Parents, do you read out loud to your kids every single day? This one’s a no-brainer…except for many these days, the answer is no.

At readaloud.org, there’s a movement to help parents carve out a minimum of 15 minutes a day for reading aloud to their kids. Now here’s a revolution that I’m all in for!

house_infographic_web

There was nothing better than cuddling with a book when my girls needed to wind down from an activity before naptime, in the bath (yes! You can get waterproof books and kids can act out the stories while splashing and playing), and of course, at bedtime.

Let’s read. And talk. And eat.

I knew it was good for them, but you know what? It was good for me too. I got the chance to discover what made them laugh, what interested them, and experience wonder at the world around us. It was fun to watch my girls discover the simplest things, from colors and numbers in the beginning to concepts like sharing, being kind, compromising, compassion, and empathy. Hey! Maybe we should read aloud to our politicians, too.

Many parents will say, “I’m just too tired and there’s no time to read. I’ll give my kids their iPad or Kindle Fire and they can read audio books. That’s the same, right?”

Wrong. It’s not the same. Children and parents forge bonds as they read together, and if you start reading to kids from they day they’re born, their brain will make more vital connections than children who don’t have books read to them. It gives them a bigger vocabulary and gets them ready for school, tests, and success. Yes, it even helps them succeed in S.T.E.M. classes (if you can’t read, you can’t learn).

highstakesforparents_infographic

These were the books that my girls enjoyed:

Pat the Bunny

Goodnight Moon

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born

Muldoon

Rufferella

Sing it, baby

Guess How Much I Love You

Where the Wild Things Are

My Somebody Special

C is for Cookie

The Cat in the Hat

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

The Rainbow Fish

The Velveteen Rabbit

The Kissing Hand

Winners Never Quit

Madeline

Detective LaRue

The best part about reading aloud? You get to act out the scenes and have fun together. To reap the benefits, you just have to do this 15 minutes per day. If money is tight, the library is free. Go once a week and stock up on books you can enjoy together.

Reading to your kids is just like exercising, eating right, and taking care of yourself. It’s hard to make the time, but when you do, you realize it was the best thing you did all day.

Recipe: Quick Breakfast Burritos

Eggs are brain food! This breakfast burrito recipe looks delicious, but if you don’t think you’ll ever have the time to make this, prep ahead, omit whatever you don’t have on hand (I don’t usually have green chiles on hand and my kids won’t eat them anyway), and create a healthy breakfast that will send them off ready to learn. You can even make these ahead and freeze them. That way, all you have to do is defrost them in the microwave for 30-45 seconds, and go. P.S.: Pack a book with that burrito, for a truly brain-boosting breakfast experience.

So, did you/do you read aloud to your kids? What was your favorite book? What’s your favorite “reading moment” memory? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!

Unresolved

by Maria Schulz

Happy New Year! Yes, it’s probably getting a little late to wish everyone this, but I’m just wrapping my head around the fact that it’s 2016. That number looks SO WEIRD to me. I remember being a kid and thinking that the year 2000 was so far away. Now, the year 2000 seems far away again, but only because it’s in my rearview mirror. Remember the hysteria caused by Y2K? Good times.

This being January, it’s time to consider how we want to reframe our future, as opposed to letting it all hang out come December holiday time. Yes folks, it’s time to talk about resolutions.

Wait…don’t run away. It’s not that bad! Here are the usual suspects when it comes to the most popular resolutions on people’s lists:

It’s go time

1. Lose weight
2. Eat right
3. Go to the gym
4. Spend more time with family
5. Cut down on stress
6. Learn something new
7. Volunteer
8. Cut back on alcohol
9. Stop smoking
10. Travel and see the world

Some of these are easy for me. Spending time with family and traveling anywhere comes as naturally to me as breathing, and smoking was never my vice. I love learning new things (or at least trying), I’m always happy to volunteer, and I don’t really like the taste of alcohol. Plus, who doesn’t want to cut down on stress?

But…it’s the gym/weight/eating thing that gets me. I know I should go to the gym, but there are days I just feel like putting on a snuggly and going to sleep. Of course, they frown on that at work, so I am conscious far more often than I’d like. By the time I get home from work, I don’t want to go back out again. What I would like to do is eat chocolate chip cookie dough while laying on the couch and binge-watching stand-up comedy routines, Jeopardy!, and The Office re-runs.

I’ll just lay here

However, since I don’t want to look like Jabba the Hut by 2017, I will not lay around until they have to cut a wall down from my house in order to get me out. I’ve been looking up inspirational quotes to keep me motivated. Here are some of them:

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” –Ghandi

“Dreams don’t work unless you do.”—Anonymous

“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”—Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

You tell ’em, Liz

“Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and get yourself together.”—Liz Taylor

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”—Henry David Thoreau

“Do one thing that scares you every day.”—Eleanor Roosevelt

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic. It takes sweat, determination, and hard work.” –Colin Powell

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”—Eleanor Roosevelt

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow.”—Albert Einstein

Here are some of my own quotes:

“I hate change almost as much as change hates me.”

“Why don’t you stop whining and just shut up.”

“Dreams are like the popular kids in middle school who smiled at you but never let you sit at their table during lunch period.”

“What the hell am I doing on the ocean trying to sail during a fx!c@ng storm!!!”

“Where’s my resolution list from 2000? I can probably use the same one.”

“Forget about yesterday…you’re living in the past, man.”

“Did they take The Office off channel 5? I got scared there for a minute.”

“When did sarcasm go out of style?”

“You are right. I should stop laughing at you.”

“Resolutions are for those of us who aren’t perfect. Good luck with yours.”

Recipe:

Keep swimming

Poached Salmon with Champagne Sauce

I liked this recipe because it looks easy, and Food Network included it for New Year’s  because they said: “swimming ahead and never looking back, fish symbolize hope.”

So, what are your resolutions? What’s your favorite inspiring quote? What are your own personal words to live by? Please leave a comment. Thanks, and Happy New Year.

All You Can Eat, Or Not

by Maria Schulz

I was reading the Huffington Post’s “Weird News” section the other day when I saw an article titled “Woman Flips Out Over All You Can Eat Pancake Rule.” It seems that this lady FREAKED OUT because she was not allowed to share her $4 plate of all you can eat pancakes with everyone at her table.

When the waitress pointed out that “All You Can Eat” really only refers to YOU and not your table full of friends and relatives, the diner went crazy. She began screaming, swinging her fists at the waitress, and then went outside and started kicking in the door.

I mean, if you can’t feed a party of 12 with $4 worth of all you can eat pancakes, what is this world coming to?

Warning: May Cause Insanity

This story cracked me up, but it didn’t shock me. It’s only surprising to people that never worked in a restaurant or in retail. People who are normally nice and not insane really lose their minds when it comes to freebies or sales. As we head into the holiday season, I thought it might be helpful to give a few examples of Behaviors to Avoid When in Public. Ready? Let’s go…

I’ll give you seven good reasons…

It’s An All-You-Can-Eat Soup and Salad Bar. But everything else will cost you. Diners would lose their minds when they couldn’t get an extra Coke for free, or when they had to pay for a slice of chocolate cake. You just ate 12 bowls of kale, iceberg lettuce, carrots, chickpeas, broccoli, fruit, chocolate pudding, and croutons, and downed enough soup to fill a river, for $7.99. But you’re going to beat me senseless for a 99-cent drink? I know croutons make you thirsty, but come on.

Yes, we run out of things sometimes. Shoppers would become apoplectic when a wine set that was on sale for $19 was out of stock. Never mind that it’s closing time on day 5 of a 5-day-sale. Or that the circular says we have very limited quantities and offer no rain checks. You want that wine set! You want that rain check! I should call every store on the globe to get it for you! Or maybe you could buy an identical wine set that costs the same thing? Nah.

Life. Liberty. And the pursuit of baked potatoes.

Baked Potatoes Are NOT an Unalienable Right: when I worked at a local steakhouse, the lines would stretch out the door. By the time I was taking order #237, we would have run out of baked potatoes. Or beer. Or even steak. This would cause some customers to turn red-faced with rage. Shouts of “HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE STEAK IN A STEAK HOUSE?”, “I WANT A BAKED POTATO!”, or “ALL I WANT IS AN ICE COLD BEER!” would ring out. Meanwhile, the manager hid behind the swinging door, only peering out long enough to whisper, “just give them a free salad plate and maybe they’ll go away.” Read all about my hazy crazy Salad Days in my book, Tales From A Hungry Life: A Memoir with Recipes, available at amazon.com!

Now available on amazon.com

No, this isn’t a flea market: one day, a man came into the store and offered me $5 to sell him a $300 tea set for $30. He insisted that I had agreed to do this for him the week before the sale. I had to explain that I had never laid eyes on him in my entire life, and since I did not personally own the tea set, I could not sell it to him for 90% off. Also, I didn’t want to go to jail while he sat at home admiring his almost free sterling silver tea set.

Warning: May Cause Insanity

Food always looks better on the commercial: lots of folks would come running in when we ran commercials about our specials. What they could never understand was why the shrimp was microscopically small or why the chicken didn’t look as fresh or delicious as the commercial made it seem. Folks, it’s all about the camera angle. Plus our 17-year-old chef isn’t very good at what he does.

Special Orders are By Definition specially ordered: if you want to place an order for an expensive, hand-crafted gift that you know will be shipped on a slow barge from China, why are you surprised that you can’t have it in time for cousin Susie’s wedding this Saturday? You’ve known about the wedding for months, right? No, I can’t get it for you in time. Sure, you can talk to my manager…but he can’t get it for you any faster either.

Sure, your order will get here soon

When Confronted by Your Own Thoughtlessness, Insult the Personnel: when my friend got a college internship at a well-known theme park, one of his jobs was to ask patrons who were hoarding tables (but not actually eating) to please move on so that diners coming off one of the many food court lines could eat. One day, one of his fellow interns asked a man sitting at a table for hours to please relinquish it. The man became enraged and started screaming to his kids: LOOK AT THIS GUY! HE’S A LOSER! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T GO TO COLLEGE! WORK HARD IN SCHOOL KIDS, OR YOU’LL HAVE TO STAND GUARD OVER A TABLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!

Recipe: Banana Pancakes

I chose this recipe in honor of all the people out there that go bananas in public. This recipe got lots of rave reviews, but as some of the reviewers said, add a little vanilla, some cinnamon, walnuts and whipped cream for a delicious treat. Make sure you cook them on low so that the outsides don’t burn AND the insides get fully cooked. No one wants mushy pancakes…it’s the kind of thing that might make you insane!

Looks good to me

So…what’s your funniest Customer Gone Wild story? Please share it in the comments section. Thanks!

The Food Stamp Challenge

by Maria Schulz

Recently, my daughter Maddie told me about something called The Food Stamp Challenge. It started with Chef Mario Batali, from ABC’s food and entertainment show, The Chew.

Mario Batali raises awareness about hunger in America

Batali wanted to highlight how tough it is for the poor to buy food—even if they worked, and even if they are on the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP—formerly known as Food Stamps). With SNAP, they receive about $29 per week (per person) to eat all of their meals—that’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 7 days, at a rate of a little over $4 per day for each family member.

With the goal of careful budgeting and high quality nutrition in mind, Batali set off with a stack of coupons to sales at the local supermarkets and the Dollar Store. He hoped to feed himself and his family on a small budget—about $31 per person, or $1.48 per meal for the entire week.

Of course, Batali quickly discovered that it’s easier to buy cheap carbs than protein, fresh fruits and vegetables. He bought cheaper cuts of meat like pork shoulder and chicken thighs. His grocery list included such things as eggs, lentils, rice, beans, lettuce, bananas, peanut butter, jelly, bread, pork, and chicken.

Batali said that he was starving for most of the week. He spent most of the time thinking about food and worrying about money. He told The Chew viewers: “This was really tough! I imagine it’s what it feels like to be hungry all the time. It’s not easy feeding a family of four for $1.48 per meal. Could you do it?”

Paltrow accepts the challenge

Always one to jump in where she probably shouldn’t, the actress, foodie, and Goop blogger/yogi on the mountain Gwyneth Paltrow said, “Yes I can!”

So off she went to the grocery store with $29 in hand. She proceeded to buy romaine lettuce, an avocado, 7 limes (yes, 7…was she concerned about getting scurvy?), eggs, peas, beans, rice, an onion, leeks, cilantro, kale, corn, one tomato, a jalapeno, and soft tacos. Unlike Chef Batali, she didn’t really think about what she would need to sustain herself and she didn’t budget wisely.

I’m set for today. Wait…this has to last me ALL WEEK?

As a result, four days into the challenge, Ms. Paltro up and quit—and went on a binge-eating blitz that included fresh chicken breasts, fresh veggies, and black licorice.

Obviously, Gwyneth is not a great shopper and probably has no idea how to live on a budget—she is the same person who famously said: “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.” But let’s face it: not everyone is a world-renowned chef that knows how to shop wisely, stretch a budget, and cover all of the nutritional bases. Even Mario Batali struggled.

Either way, here’s the real issue: poor people can’t just quit their challenges. At the end of the week, they’re still hungry and struggling. I bet they’d love to run out and get some organic chickens, fresh vegetables, and candy just to break up the monotony of beans, potatoes, pasta, and more of the same every single day, if they’re lucky…but then they probably couldn’t eat for the rest of the month.

Cheap eats

Another, completely different challenge that many poor people face is that they can’t get to a discount grocery store to get wholesome yet inexpensive food. Why? Because they live in what’s known as a food desert. If you have limited transportation options (no car, can’t afford to take the bus to shop, or have to walk everywhere) and live in a neighborhood with only corner bodegas, convenience stores, and fast food, you will have fewer options to eat well on a tight budget.

I’m one of the lucky Americans who don’t have to live on $1.48 per meal, per day. Could I do it? Sure. Or maybe. But probably not. I could eat lots of spam, deviled ham, peanut butter and jelly, and pasta if I had to—it would be a flashback to my childhood. However, if I ate this way all of the time, I would weigh a ton and have lots of health issues that have nothing to do with how lazy or shiftless I am.

The point of the Food Stamp Challenge is not to fixate on how ridiculous Paltrow’s basket of food seems. The real point is to show people that Congress is looking to slash SNAP, and it’s not even adequate now! Unless this is 1950, there’s no way that $29/week is enough. Yes, I know it’s a supplemental program, but when someone is struggling, you don’t take away their lifeline.

In this land of plenty, millions of hard-working Americans are going hungry. They are not lazy slugs that lay around all day doing nothing. They are at or below the poverty line and struggling to keep their heads above water. Children and the elderly are also suffering.

So, we can all feel better about ourselves if we do the Food Stamp Challenge, because we think we’re imagining a poor person’s pain. Or, we could skip the challenge and find a local food bank, food pantry, charity, or soup kitchen that needs our help.

Today, I will thank my lucky stars that my family has enough to eat. And then, I’ll find a local charity that needs me so that I can help a child, family, or elderly person who is hungry.

HOW TO HELP

To find a Food Pantry in your area, go here.

To find a local Food Bank, go here.

To help someone on Long Island, go to:

Long Island Cares, Inc.

RECIPE:

Note: even this meal costs about $2.49 per person

Find healthy recipes here to feed 4 for under $10:

Do you think you could do the Food Stamp Challenge—and succeed? What would you put in your basket? What’s your favorite, budget-friendly meal? Please leave a comment and let us all know. Thanks!